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Kyuuketsuki Duo
Shinma Pellectae
The Second Chapter
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	Duo approached the tiny grotto warily, his footsteps falling 
silently as he wove his way through the trees, green and fresh with 
spring-time foliage.  He couldn't sense the immediate presence of his 
guardian, but knew that he was out there, watching over his actions from 
a distance.  The plan was that Duo would make contact and retrieval on 
his own, Heero would serve as backup.  The target was simple and 
stationary; the job should easily be completed without major 
confrontation, as long as Duo kept his wits about him, and so would make 
an excellent first run.

	He was about a hundred yards from the pool, by his estimation, 
when he was suddenly overcome by thirst.  The abrupt onslaught of this 
desire for water gave Duo pause, and he stopped where he was, 
immediately cautious.  He carefully cast his mind out, searching the air 
for the clue that would inform him that the stray had been alerted to 
his presence, trying to lure him to its deadly shores with illusions of 
a dry throat.  But no, it seemed as if the suggestion was a passive 
entity, and he exhaled slowly in relief.  There was no consciousness 
behind the net, and it was not intended to serve as a warning system.  
Anyone who wandered into the trap would not be seeking to destroy a 
Shinma whose presence they were not even aware of.

	Intrigued by the subtle art of static suggestion, Duo probed 
further, and found that it had been triggered by the sound of the water.  
It whispered of clean, mountain spring water, sweeter than any village's 
well.  Dry air and dry throats.  A day's exertion catching up, demanding 
a respite.  The relentless sun in the sky.  And an invitation to come 
and experience its refreshing waters.  The murmurs were inaudible to 
those without some knowledge of power, but its message would be heard 
subconsciously all the same.

	Recognition of the false thirst enabled him to ignore it, and he 
forged on, stepping over the tree roots and ducking under branches, 
until he reached the water's edge.  He peered into the water's depth, 
and was greeted by the image of a beautiful woman.  It held its arms out 
to him as if to embrace him, beckoning him with glance and gesture, but 
armed with foreknowledge, Duo easily fended off the urge to leap into 
the pool and join the enticing image, where he would be embraced only by 
cold waters and death.

	::Come,:: she tempted.  ::Come to me.::  Her voice promised only 
joy and peace, comfort and trust.

	"Sorry," Duo replied.  "I've got a job to do."

	::You won't have to worry about your job.::  She was undeterred 
by his answer, as if she had heard it a dozen times before, and she 
continued her attempt at seduction.  ::Just come to me, join me, and 
you'll never have to worry again.  Never need to work, ever again.::

	He made no response as he prepared himself to open the portal to 
the Dark, as Heero had instructed.  He was still new to the art, and 
therefore it would take him some time.  The image, sensing his 
non-responsiveness to her pleas, began to flicker, cycling through a 
multitude of images, trying to find the one that this one, her newest 
victim, would find the most pleasing, the most promising, the most 
attractive.  Her words never faltered.

	::Just one drink,:: she insisted.  ::One drink of my waters, and 
a small eternity of bliss.  No pain, no sorrow.  Just come to me....::

	Duo began, otherworldly power flowing through him as it had 
through his ancestors for many generations before him.  As the guardian, 
the energy moved easily through him, that was what the guardians had 
been crafted for, but he was still learning how to bend it to his will, 
and so what would one day become second nature to him was now forming 
slowly.

	::Just one taste, one -- what are you doing?  You're -- no!  You 
mustn't!  I won't go back!::  The creature shifted more quickly now, 
shuffling rapidly through the images to find the one it needed to turn 
the guardian from his course.  ::I can offer you so much!  There must be 
something you want.  Power.  Riches.  Fame.::

	Duo grunted in derision, but kept his mind on his task.  Power, 
he already had too much of.  Riches and fame he had no use for.  The 
creature changed its tact, having narrowed down the search field and 
seeing that he had no interest in the proffered items.

	::What about friends?  Peace of mind?  A place to call home?::

	His mind involuntarily turned to thoughts of the last place he 
had called home, Maxwell Church, his fond memories of the place forever 
marred by the vision of it in flames, innocents dying in the night, the 
screams echoing in his mind's ear.  He firmly put his mind back on 
track, back to the portal, but it was too late.  The Shinma had detected 
the thought, and pulled the image from his mind.

	Sister Helen's face was the next to appear in the pool, but Duo 
resolutely turned his eyes away and concentrated, determined not to fall 
for the stray's deception and blasphemous abuse of the sacred memories.

	::What are you doing, child?  You're hurting me.  You don't want 
to hurt me, do you?::  Her voice was just as sweet as Duo remembered it, 
telling stories of mythical places, singing gentle lullabies and hymns 
of glory.  It was a voice that was silenced forever, taken away during a 
massacre which he was partly responsible for, and the guilt returned to 
haunt him.

	::Look what you've done.::  The Shinma picked up the guilt and 
was swift to attack, twisting its form into a face wracked with pain and 
smeared with blood.  ::You did this to me!  How could you?  I thought 
you cared for me.  Look at me!::

	Almost against his will, his eyes were drawn back to the image, 
Sister Helen reaching out with crimson-stained hands, and his 
concentration faltered, seeing his worst nightmares given life within 
the waters.  Oh, how the very same images had assaulted him in his fever 
dreams -- Sister Helen, Father Maxwell, Billy, Manuel, Susie, Anna, 
Kim... -- all of them from the orphanage, each in their turn being 
reflected in the pool as soon as he thought them.  Each of them, not as 
he remembered them, but as they had might have died, lying in the dirt, 
writhing in the fires, mangled by the Shinma beasts, and each one of 
them, looking straight into his eyes with accusation and hate, the 
slideshow an endless cycle of bitterness and pain.

	It was too much.  Duo fell to his knees by the water's edge, 
reached out, his voice almost calling out as he had so often in his 
dreams, desperately trying to win their forgiveness, his hand almost 
touching the water, as if he could make contact with their restless 
souls and draw them back to the world of the living, or offer himself in 
their place as a sacrifice for redemption.  So close....

	::Duo!::

	Heero's sharp mindvoice cut through the layers of stifling 
emotions like a ray of sunshine piercing the menacing clouds and 
bringing light to the land, and Duo gasped, jerking himself away from 
the Shinma-infested waters just as the stray had been about to draw him 
in, and landing inelegantly on his rear.  The shadow in the waters 
howled its frustration and Duo hurried to finish the summoning of the 
portal, forcing himself to concentrate on that and that alone.  With 
less than stylish finesse, he was done, the energy of it spilling over 
into the physical world and whipping the foliage into a frenzied dance.  
He shoved the stray into it with raw force, and snapped the portal 
closed behind it, leaving only an exhausted Duo lying on a bed of fresh 
grass, his chest heaving for breath as the leaves settled.  He slowly 
became aware of Heero's presence in the small clearing, behind him and 
to the right, but his teacher remained silent and unreadable behind his 
expressionless mask.

	"I screwed up, didn't I?" he asked, still breathless, but 
calming.

	His mentor offered no response.

	Duo emitted a feeble, bitter laugh.  "I don't think I'm cut out 
for this business."  He thought with some shame at how easily he had 
fallen to the Shinma's trap, even knowing full well what he was walking 
into.  He couldn't help it.  The loss was still fresh in his mind, and 
he doubted that he would ever put it behind him when he was reminded of 
it every day he used his newborn powers, powers he had accepted from the 
loss, because of the loss, for the loss.

	::You made a mistake.  Accept it.  Just don't make the same 
mistake twice.::  Once again, it was Heero's cool mindvoice that sliced 
ruthlessly through the thickening fog of self-recrimination as he moved 
around to offer a hand to Duo.  Duo stared at it for a moment, but took 
it and was helped to his feet, his eyes downcast.  He acknowledged 
Heero's words on a mental level, but it just wasn't that easy.

	"I'm sorry, I --"

	::You apologize too much.::

	"Well, sor--"  Duo caught himself mid-word, disgruntled either 
at his second apology, or because Heero had pointed out an unconscious 
tendency.  His mentor had such an odd philosophy at times, but he 
supposed he was glad for his utter pragmatism and blunt presentation.  
He paused, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly before continuing.  
"It's just that.... There it was, suddenly.  My dreams brought into the 
waking world.  I was just confronted with all the worst thoughts I'd 
ever thought they might think...."  Even given the convolution of his 
speech, he knew Heero would know what he was talking about.  He was sure 
that he had seen the images himself, when Duo dreamed them, hallucinated 
them, imagined them as he had.  Perhaps he did not approve of Duo's 
guilt, but he was certainly aware of it.

	"And it wasn't really scary, hearing them, seeing them.  I've 
been doing that a lot, after all, and that Shinma wasn't showing me 
anything I hadn't already gone over in my head.  But that's just it.  
All of a sudden, it wasn't just in my head anymore, it was out here, 
out... out... hell, I don't even know if this is the waking world, 
reality, hell, a dream, a nightmare, a hallucination, whatever."  He ran 
a hand through his bangs, clutching them in his fist and making them 
stick out at an odd angle in a frustrated habit he had somehow picked 
up.

	"I just don't know anymore," he concluded in a desperate, tired 
tone.

	::Does it matter?:: the mindvoice inquired dryly.  ::Regardless 
of whether this is real or not, this is what you are living.  Whatever 
you do here will affect you here.  This is your reality, whether or not 
it is anyone else's.  Even in a dream, the dreamer is able to take 
control of his situation and bend it to his will.  The world is what you 
make of it.  So does it matter?::

	Duo blinked, working his way through the logic of Heero's 
proposition until he had the issue well settled in his mind.

	"No.  I suppose it doesn't.  My reality is what I make of it.  I 
just need to get my bearings.  Find an orientation.  A reference frame.  
And it'll all work out."  He looked up, straight into Heero's eyes, or 
where his eyes should rightly be behind the mask, and he cocked his head 
curiously as an idea struck him.

	"Hey.  You're real, right?  As real as anything else in this 
little world of mine.  You've got a face beneath that mask, and a body 
beneath those robes, right?"

	Heero lay silent for a moment as Duo fidgeted, trying to 
comprehend the boy's reason for asking, but failing.  He nodded once.  
Duo hesitantly lay his hand on Heero's chest, as if to confirm for 
himself that there was indeed a solid mass there, and his face lit up 
with a small smile of what could almost be interpreted as relief.

	"Good.  For a second there I ..."  He shook his head, dismissing 
the thought.  "You are my constant.  My ground.  My invariant.  My 
standard.  Congratulations, Heero.  I define you --" he paused 
dramatically in the middle of his grandiose proclamation.  "-- to be my 
new reality."

_________________________________________
This piece of fiction is the intellectual 
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The basis for this fic, i.e. Gundam Wing, 
Kyuuketsuki Miyu, et al., is the property 
of someone else.  The author can be con-
tacted at jchew@myrealbox.com.  This has 
been an entirely automated message.
http://www.cs.hmc.edu/~jchew/misc/gw.html

last modified : 3/4/2001 23:49:10 PST