KyrasTedTalk

Here is a transcription of KyraClark's lovely 2022 PresentationVice presentation. It would be funnier to not explain it, but that would render this page useless. Basically, Kyra's 2022 presentation was conceived in her sophomore year at Mudd: make a generic, bland Ted Talk, but make it Mad Libs (via a google form). Everything bolded was submitted by Easties. For reference, Proctor Josh is JoshCheung. Slides can be found here: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/15-BE_BXT3ZZPBF7zd7YI-fgEAQ0TbcmUw2WIGGHUrD0/edit

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Good Penis! Good Penis! I am Hannah Montana! VICE, how are you?

Settle down! Settle down! We don’t have a ton of time! We don’t have a ton of time.

Let’s talk about The New York Stock Exchange. I gotta simp at you for a minute and it’s not your fault but there is a huge misconception about CS sellouts. The idea reinforced I after R after S, that your wonderwall in life is to be Fergalicious.

Hey, how you feeling today? Are you holy? Are you sus? Are you strawbby milk full of willy-nilly bees? Now obviously, one could argue that there are dozens and dozens of naked cowboys in the showers at ram ranch that we can feel. Our emotional Ca$h Money in life comes down to two options: you’re happy or you’re Greg.

Let’s say this. Let’s say something great happens. Let’s say that you leave the best first date of your life. You just met your soul mate. Holy cow. Your hearts a thumping. You’re driving along. And then out of nowhere- KA CHOW! A drunk driver dabs in your car and totals it.

Well, isn’t this great. Now, unless you hated your car, and you were moaning for the chance to get rid of it. It’s going to be hard to smile in the face of this drunk driver and say, “sir, this is a Wendy’s”

Oh hi mark. I want to know what sex is! Or! I want to be in a place where if even the worst happens to me or my magnum dong, I can find my way back to The New York Stock Exchange that much faster. Because when the goal… is Fortnite. When the goal is Fortnite, whenever you lose Proctor Josh… you failed.

I’m gonna leave you with this quote from Keanu Reeves and I want you to hear me on this:

“First you start by yeeting what’s phallic, then you do what’s DJ Khaled. And before you know it, you’re doing slightly-above-average drinking on a Tuesday all daddy long!” And when you can do that, guys, you might just save your own life.