Matthew LeMay was imprisoned inside Wally the Wart for being innocent of crimes he did in fact commit. Occasionally, if you spend enough time around Wally the Wart, you will hear a muffled voice saying, "Excuse me, but it's kind of cramped in here and I have lots of sinister deeds I still need to do in the world without, like knocking on people's doors and then not running away. Great a fan though I may be of Wally the Wart, is there any chance you could pry me free?" That is Matthew LeMay.

Basically Matthew was a math major (almost joint math-CS but for clinic!) and meme guy from the East Dorm class of 2021. He was in Dank Meme Suite his junior year, and spent some quality time sadly and pensively ripping the printed-out memes off his door in March of 2020 when campus was evacuated because of the Red Scare, or whatever we were afraid of back then. He tried to select memes with heavy layers of irony to maximize confusion to passers by the room; his favorite was a heavily filtered Kermit the Frog saying "I think I will convert to Paganism," but he was also known for his FishingMemes. In his actual opinion, he thought memes represented a lot of the problems with how we talk to each other, especially the idea that a meaningful stance on an issue can be communicated with a png that has a couple of text labels plastered on top of an image from a TV show or something. So a lot of the memes he shared were heavily ironic and mocked the concept of memes themselves in a self-aware way, or at least that was how he saw it.

He was also a big fan of YTPs (YouTube? Poops or humorously edited videos, for when this is an archaic phrase), with some of his favorites being Frollo is a Slut (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1dvc0ElSfY), Eccentric Severe Tumors (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5jbfCxEQO4), and The Trainkillers (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcxiMoVOa10). Usually most other people in the lounge would want to just watch random pop songs or that anime girl do her homework with the lofi beats playing (again this reference probably dates us) but he would always lobby to watch YTPs, or else listen to classical music by Shostakovich. Often he would get the support of his friends in this, which he appreciated a lot.

This may sound like chaotic stuff, but he was actually pretty quiet and introverted, too much so to really go to Funball or Vice ever. (Yes, people like us exist. You don't have to go to big parties with a million people yelling to be a part of East culture! Or to have a good time.) But he really tried his best to connect with the people around him, and East was the first place in his life he ever felt some amount of social confidence. He (that is to say me, writing this from my isolated quarantine) owes so much to his friends there and he loves them all very dearly. East was really his first experience in belonging, and now that he knows what that is like, nothing can take that away from him. He's so grateful to everyone that talked to him when he was confused, when he felt hopeless, when he was grieving his childhood cat Midnight, and gave him comfort. For him, East was a new and wonderful kind of family.

So anyway, please let him out of Wally the Wart when you get the chance, the poor guy has other stuff he needs to be doing.

One of the Presidents of East Dorm, 2020-2021

Huge fan of the FunnySexNumber

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Last edited June 8, 2020 9:25 (diff)