Looks completely innocent until he opens his mouth.
Quotes from Law & Literature, spring 2002:
On spirits (the paranormal kind, not the alcohol kind): "When you go back to your dorm room, unless there's a lot of vodka preceeding, you won't see spirits."
On spirits (the paranormal kind, not the alcohol kind): "It's been quite a long time since I've seen one."
On Hamlet: "It's after Fortinbras passes away that all those X-rated porno castles in Denmark get established."
"Those of you with young enough brothers and sisters will remember them saying to mom or dad, 'when I grow up I'm going to murder'--I mean--'marry you'."
"They signal by a woof-- maybe, I don't know--" he barks, then woofs "--maybe that."
"The child was useless as a witness-- too young, still using crayons."
"Wakes make for good parties. Watching over a stiff, drinking."
ProfessorMartin: "What's the discussion in Huckleberry Finn about this case?" Class: Complete silence. ProfessorMartin:"It's only one page long, but..."
"It's more a general hallucination. Closer to LSD in my experience."
On children's ages: "Four is better than eight for the porno trade."
After attempting to stretch out on the table and falling off: "That was pretty good."
"All people who wear black shirts are sexual wonders."
"If I wanted Melissa [a student in the class] to love me, I'd leave her alone and not make her talk."
"He could discharge his wish to confess-- which was stupid..."
"She digs out mandrakes. That's a fork, that's a sign of male sexuality."
"All men want to commit incest on their children."
"If I opened my closet door and saw a couple of people being flogged, I'd be shocked. At least, I hope I would be, even after years of seeing it."
"I was thinking about Mondale. He is so decrepit, like a corpse."
"Kicking a dog, eating a chocolate bar, writing a poem-- they're all the same."
"I doubt if they would purchase porn for a library. Well, maybe in New York."
"A handshake doesn't mean 'friends', it means 'I'm going to stick my hand out and stick a knife in you.'"
Summarizing Melanie Klein and primary creativity: "It takes at least as long as it takes to deliver a baby to get a book published. That's man's version of giving birth. It's why there are more men than women writers."
On picking books for the final project:
Student: "How about unreputable books?" ProfessorMartin: "You want to do something pornographic?!"
"Last Sunday I caught myself. I got a speeding ticket and thought that clearly it was lying in wait for me under the overpass. And I thought for a minute 'It's Sunday, there is no one around, and I'll kill her, I'll strangle her.'"
"If he is going to kill people and shoot straight, he has to get drunk. At some point I think we all learn that."
"We don't carry guns. Except in Texas."
"Civilization vs. barbary, Darth Vader against whoever his opponent is..."
"Does Odysseus say 'Fuck!'? No. He goes, 'I'll take what I get.' It's a Greek idea."
"I'll give you my grain and you give me your vodka. That's a natural exchange."
"Sodomy laws usually include oral-- well, anal as well of course-- and anything that isn't, how to put it, a normal sexual organ so defined."
"At last they got rid of the guy, but not until getting rid of the corrupt animals first."
"Vegetables are sentient."
"It would be nice to have sex with that woman."
On kissing women's hands:
ProfessorMartin: "At one point when I was in the position of kissing women's hands, they said to me that I really know how to do it." Male student: "Well how do you do it?" ProfessorMartin: "You use your nose and just barely touch it. But don't use the lips because that is sexual."