KatyAnderson originated this genius plan. Executed by AudreyMusselmanBrown (storer of Rosie + glue master!), RebeccaThomas (lack-of-glue master + master cutter), SidraHussain (contributor), JakeLow (tattoo artist), LaurenNishizaki (Rosie's sketcher + various-cutting-type-activity person), AllisonCard (ditto), AbigailJaneGregory (storer of Rosie + fun-wiki author), dog (hider of Sidra).
Our story, dear children, begins on a warm, California day. AudreyMusselmanBrown, AbigailJaneGregory, DavidLingenbrink, and SidraHussain were going to Staples to buy paper. Colored paper. Construction paper. AudreyMusselmanBrown and AbigailJaneGregory drove. They enjoy driving, so this was a plus. At Staples, the pilgrims noted the variety of products available at a so-called "office supply" store. Candy and gift certificates? Prostitutes? But the pilgrims journeyed on to one aisle 7 (SamGutekunst?), where they uncovered great bounties of colored paper. Just the colored paper that they had searched so long and far and wide for. The young East frosh purchased their paper, joy spilling through their veins.
Later, after a trip to Vons and a series of sleepless nights in AudreyMusselmanBrown and AbigailJaneGregory's room (the meaning of this clause is up for interpretation), the paper took one great leap toward its final objective: it was cut.
Over the course of two brief days, RosieTheRiveter was obviously present on the long expanse of poster board that would be her final resting place. But more was still to come. RosieTheRiveter found herself dusted in painstakingly molded miniature roses (read cut out in 10 minutes). But now there was a question of vital importance with no answer:
...
Should Rosie have a face?
JakeLow proposed giving Rosie one eye, a malicious grin, a bloody tattoo ["run and hide"], and a cleft chin. He even provided a sketch of this glorious visage. Eventually, however, TheLounge chose to leave Rosie's face blank for modernist subtextual purposes.
[Insert Rosie + clown here]
Despite this mature, insightful decision on East's part, there were questions about the lack-of-face.
Scene: RebeccaThomas and SidraHussain in TheLounge. LeeWiyninger ponders "Why doesn't she have a face?"
Scene: RebeccaThomas and SidraHussain in TheLounge. AnnJohnston ponders "Why doesn't she have a face?"
Scene: RebeccaThomas and SidraHussain in TheLounge. JenniRinker ponders "Why doesn't she have a face?"
Scene: RebeccaThomas and SidraHussain in TheLounge. "Shut the #*$(*@ up!"
JakeLow's services were further appreciated (hawt) as he contributed Rosie's distinctive East-rose tattoo. Schwa, man.
Days (hours) trickled by, and the day of NorthDorm's LongTallGlasses was upon the poor Eastie frosh! Only one thing left to do... but would there be time to complete the final epic task?!!! Rosie, despite her epic meaning in both American and Muddian culture, had no message! Oh, the pain of a silent RosieTheRiveter!
After days (seconds) more spent contemplating the epic importance that this message held, Rosie's verbalization was chosen. SidraHussain and RebeccaThomas chose the following subtle, yet truthful message of dignity:
"EAST IS A BEAST!"
AbigailJaneGregory began to prepare the final pieces of construction-paper-white construction paper for letter cutting. Yet, even as EAST had been sketched ever so carefully onto the paper, SidraHussain and SamGutekunst beckoned her onward to the hell of Linear Algebra. They departed with tears. RebeccaThomas, left stranded in a pool of specifically AbigailJaneGregory's tears, quivered in her stockinged feet. The wine-dark sea (see The Odyssey) at her feet nearly drowned dear RebeccaThomas, but she somehow managed SEX. Just kidding. She pulled (out of her anus) the ability to shape "IS A BEAST!" on her own. So she did.
SidraHussain examined RebeccaThomas's work. They couldn't decide how to arrange the words in the speech bubble. They needed an exclamation mark. It was too thick. It was too thin. (Britney Spears, anyone?) It was tapered. So RebeccaThomas said. No, it wasn't. So SidraHussain claimed. The pair examined many an interpretation of the ever-elusive exclamation mark before settling on the level of tapering necessary. But AnnJohnston said that the dot should be a square. RebeccaThomas finally put her foot down. "DAMN, NO!" she declared, and with a crescendo of epic proportion, the background music swelled to indicate her discovery of the power of self respect. Jk, lol.
As RebeccaThomas, AbigailJaneGregory, and SidraHussain pondered the generation of this same tale (slash the meaning of life and stuff - sex?) AND ATE TEDDY GRAHAMS! several hours later, it occurred to them that, after AudreyMusselmanBrown applied her gluing expertise to the scandalously jizz-worthy words ("EAST IS A BEAST!" in case you've forgotten), the battle would be over! The long hours, the pilgrimage, the self-respect, the lack thereof, were going to culminate in the epic battle:
NORF V. EAST FROSH!
Unfortunately, NorthDorm (damn them) had disposed of their god-damned rose. Damnit. Yet Rosie was ready. Minus the OCD master-gluing master, AudreyMusselmanBrown. Life, as we knew it, was ne'r the same again.
Rosie was deposited after 3am by AudreyMusselmanBrown, AbigailJaneGregory, LaurenNishizaki, RebeccaThomas, SidraHussain, and KatyAnderson. Let it be known that none of the frosh guys stayed awake to assist in the battle.
Since the rose was thrown out, and the Northies prevented us from stealing their light-up sign, we resorted to stealing this sign.
Hawt (note the "w").
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