Sex tips, as brought to you by east lounge.

  1. Bears.
  2. Stumpy.
  3. Every appendage.
  4. Bears.
  5. 1 in 20 times, bite his head off.
  6. Grab the sheets behind you and go ngaaaaaah
  7. When having sex, avoid HCl and other strong acids.
  9. Shoot first, ask questions later.
  10. When sporking, do not forget: the spork goes in the orifice.
  11. When sporking, do not think about what you're doing, because you'll probably stop and go "Heh, spork" and ruin the mood.
  12. Cookies.
  13. Boys suck.
  14. Use a fish tank.
  15. When having sex, avoid rodents and other small mammals, as they tend to distract from the sex act.
  16. Be careful not to ejaculate inside your partner's body cavity, as it can be highly toxic.
  17. Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes.
  18. It is not advised to attempt penetrative sex with a partner more than 30 feet away.
  19. Use a tarp.
  20. Launch the frisbee to the winner of the coin toss.
  21. Always check your partner's pubic hair for black widows. Watch out for brown recluses too!
  22. Wash the kiwi fruit.
  23. When putting on a condom, be careful, since obstruction of the trachea can lead to asphyxiation.
  24. Be sure to wash your hands before, after, and during sex.
  25. Make it hot, but not too hot. The human body can spontaneously combust at temperatures exceeding 400 degrees Celsius.
  26. You win when you open the gates to hell.
  27. Assemble the sandwich.
  28. Birth control is most effective when taken immediately before sex.
  29. Connect wall pipes.
  30. Place on the bed.
  31. You do not need to kill the dog to win.
  32. Consider a graduate degree.
  33. While they may be dead and gone, the important thing is that you're still here.
  34. Use a one-liter soda bottle.
  35. Chew gum constantly.
  36. Say your safe word in every sentence, so you don't forget it.
  37. Sex is a dish best served cold. Try chilling your partner's body for 48 hours prior to intercourse.
  38. If you eat less than 30 minutes before, you'll drown.
  39. Cover your work area with newspaper or a drop cloth.
  40. Buyer beware! Highly pressurized sex can explode when punctured.
  41. Use LaTeX. (Don't forget the units package!)
  42. Bears.
  43. Replace your hands with chew toys.
  44. Time for you to round up your friends!
  45. fullwhale.wav
  46. Call your mom.
  47. Remove the cardboard in the summer and burn.
  48. Ask your partner repeatedly "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?".
  49. Begin studying well in advance.
  50. Go to office hours.
  51. Make sure to have three feet of egress.
  52. Use acronyms.
  53. Avoid eating alone.
  54. Use textbooks strategically.
  55. There are two types of questions that are asked.
  56. Practice your cursive. You'll need it later!
  57. Your college professors won't be this lenient with you.
  58. Everyone knows it's hot when the urethras touch.
  59. Stop!
  60. The tentacles get stronger the longer the creature lives.
  61. Urinate to mark your territory.
  62. Don't waste time in the hallway.
  63. Evenly coat your partner in a thin layer of waterproof material.
  64. Practice on a separate piece of paper.
  65. If there is blood drippin from the disco balls, pls go to a different roller rink.
  66. Test the emergency eye wash sink once a year.
  67. Dynamite can also kill zombies.
  68. Prepare a speech.
  69. Turn on wifi to improve location accuracy.
  70. Download more RAM.
  71. Always eat breakfast.
  72. Avoid off-putting odors.
  73. Bears.
  74. Always listen to your teacher.
  75. Seek advice from your vet.
  76. Ignore haters.
  77. If the room environment is hot, there is a possibility that your parakeet is too hot.
  78. Make sure your partner has at least one special character.
  79. Keep your fluids up.
  80. Write a final paragraph.
  81. Practice your multiplication tables, if you know what I mean.
  82. Select the right type of tulip for your needs.
  83. Make sure you understand why the work is considered a classic.
  84. Read the EULA.
  85. Cover with soil.
  86. Summon your god.
  87. Do not combine the seal with the logo.
  88. Keep a journal.
  89. Identify and explain the author's purpose.
  90. Consider the impact of your work on society.
  91. Join a local club.
  92. If you're riding alone, you're riding with Hitler.
  93. Time will pass. Will you?
  94. Make sure to start early.
  95. Bears.
  96. Refer to yourself in the third person.
  97. Always say "please" and "thank you".
  98. Inflate your balloon.
  99. Cut a hole for the candy.
  100. Make puns.
  101. Stop at a prime number.

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Last edited January 12, 2015 10:23 (diff)