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On April 15, 2002, some Eastie Seniors had the GoodIdea of drinking 1 shot for every grad school that rejected them, as well as one for the one they were going to attend. Sadly, it was a tough year to get in to grad schools. On the other hand, we are left with the following very interesting quotes, and I'm sure East very much impressed the hordes of visiting PreFrosh.

It should be noted that the original name for this event was SeniorBitternessNight?. The page was created not for the event, but for the quotes, hence the page not having that name.--SomeoneWhoWasThere? (aka NickJohnson).

Now, apparently, an annual event. Someone best follow the seniors around with a clipboard, or something.


"18 April 2014"

9:00 PM

SamGutekunst wants everyone to sit with their backs facing each other for proper antisocial bitterness.

DavidScott is bitter about the lack of bitterness.

JoelOrnstein is bitter about the lack of bread (PASSOVER!!!!)

Cups are probably from Fun Ball but possibly from Vice. Stay tuned for more details (Will AllisonMis join the bitterness?)

AricHunter doesn’t care about SamGutekunst. SamGutekunst is sad. This is because despite what future updates may say, he is not ready to leave this place.

AbbyGregory has gone to find more alcohol.

DavidScott is still bitter about earlier when no one was out here.

RebeccaThomas is really bitter about SamGutekunst’s ring tone. She threatened to stab him with a fork in front of Dean Maggie. PaNts thinks SamGutekunst is probably a sociopath.

PaNts has now texted SamGutekunst just to hear the ring tone. No one else knows why.

RebeccaThomas is not exceptionally pleased to be presented with salsa.

JakeLow is on call for clinic and everyone else denies that such a thing exists.

A third couch has arrived.

DavidScott is no longer bitter about having stood up as he gets to be on the comfortable couch.

“That dude that you thought was a pre-frosh” - JakeLow

AbbyGregory wants a superior eye level in her conversation with JakeLow so he has to sit down.

There are a lot of limes.

RebeccaThomas keeps threatening to leave if SamGutekunst does things.

9:43 PM Shots have begun (They’re to AbbyGregory for planning it all. Awww)

“It reminds me of bitter medicine”

JackMa has fuck-clinic shot glasses.

Timesuck is all here “WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!”

“I think they might have sex now” - AbbyGregory

“It’s a timesuck thing”

“Why were there five of them?” - KevinLau

“Because 4 of them lived in private side and JakeLow lived in public side” - DavidScott

“Why did JakeLow live in public side?” - KevinLau

“Because he lived in Atwood and was a sad panda” - DavidScott

“I’m talking about counting” – DavidScott

“Look at the fucking curtains” – DavidScott

“Why are you here?” – SamGutekunst

“Because we follow you now” – “Twinkles” (MattMcDermott)

“FUCK THE SPRINKLERS” – AudreyMusselmanBrown (I’m inclined to agree)

“I can’t do it, I’m not left handed” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“That was a good high five. It sounded good, it felt good” – DavidLingenbrink

“Bopped the tips of my fingers” – AricHunter

 “I like your jacket. I’ve seen you wear it before, though. I remember this” – AbbyGregory to MorganLuckey about her leather jacket.

AbbyGregory and SamGutekunst are having a dance party.

10 PM

 “Did you put salsa in your drink?” – AbbyGregory to LaurenNishizaki

 “Don’t make me snap my fingers in a z-formation” – SamGutekunst

“That’s cute” – MattMcDermott

“I thought so” – SamGutekunst

“YOU ARE NOT INNOCENT!” – AbbyGregory still on LaurenNishizaki’s salsa problems

“I forgot about RebeccaThomas” – AbbyGregory



AricHunter likes to give neck hugs where basically he strangles you. One time he did it in class” – RebeccaThomas

“Do you want to be a senior? You shouldn’t because then you have to leave this place” – SamGutekunst

Google hasn’t called RebeccaThomas. Bitches.

“You do want to tell them you want a job” - LaurenNishizaki

“You should kidnap her family” – SamGutekunst

“So he has these big scissors, and so Michael picks up a big rock, and they BATTLE WITH THEM!” – JakeLow

“You don’t need to be drunk when your brain is that small” –AricHunter


“What are rejection shots? ….I can’t take that many shots” – DavidLingenbrink

“I think we should call them Fuck-You-AbbyGregory shots” –JakeLow


“I have no rebuttal” – JakeLow

“Do not put that on my face” – RebeccaThomas

AricHunter is telling dead baby masturbation jokes. You should ask him for them yourself because I’m traumatized.

“So you dip the matzoh in the wine…” – JoelOrnstein

“This is for the fucking people who are assholes and we hate them and we’re going to be taking shots NOW” –AbbyGregory

“FUCK THEM” –The cry of the people

AbbyGregory what was your shot for?” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“Berkeley! For rejecting me for undergrad!” - AbbyGregory



 “Words are hard, RebeccaThomas” – JakeLow


RebeccaThomas do you need a hug?” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

(Awww hugs)

“My drunk self is superior than my sober self” – AbbyGregory

“Bitter bitter bitter” – JoelOrnstein

SamGutekunst, were you rejected from CMU?” “Yes” “Ha.” – JoelOrnstein and SamGutekunst

“I didn’t bother telling you because I thought you were smarter” – RebeccaThomas

“The bottom is inverted and your bottom is on it” – JoshVasquez?

“I don’t have fucking standards when it comes to cheez-its. If there are cheez-its in it I will eat it” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“I’m still pretty sober at this point, I’m just angry and bitter” – RebeccaThomas

JoshVasquez? told AbbyGregory to touch RebeccaThomas’s face, in a continuation of the saga.

“It was like a threesome” – AbbyGregory

“It wasn’t a real reason. I just wanted to take shots with you guys” – AbbyGregory

“It’s important to AricHunter that we all realize that you’re a little bitch, SamGutekunst” – MattMcDermott

“Why is that like an inch from my face?” – RebeccaThomas

“You have a point that you haven’t killed anyone yet” – MorganLuckey

“Well, MorganLuckey, there’s still time for Gumdrop to kill somebody” – RebeccaThomas

“You are like trying to take a picture of your butt” – RebeccaThomas

 “Biting necessarily involves the closing of the jaws around the thing, I just touched my teeth to the thing” – AbbyGregory



“STRAWBERRIES” – AbbyGregory


LaurenNishizaki and AbbyGregory are now on the phone with each other despite being 5 feet apart.

“On a scale of one to Oreo can I eat your Oreo?” – AbbyGregory

KevinLau, you’ve masturbated, right?” – DavidScott



(DavidScott is really sad that I haven’t gotten enough quotes from him because he’s far away so KevinLau and PatrickMeehan are hugging him)

MorganLuckey is fucking bitter because she hates her thesis” - AbbyGregory

“WHOA WHOA WHOA! You did not just insult my thesis. I just hate my schedule, which doesn’t allow me enough time to dedicate to my thesis. I love my thesis” – MorganLuckey

“Why are you bitter DavidScott?” – JackMa

“Are you serious?” – DavidScott

“You should not eat computer bugs, that is a good point. Wise kids do not eat computers. Thank you, LaurenNishizaki. ” – MorganLuckey

“Step 1. PatrickMeehan needs to put more alcohol inside of him.” – PatrickMeehan

AricHunter just frightened SamGutekunst by popping out from being a corner?

“When people asked where AricHunter and SamGutekunst went I said they ran off together” – DavidLingenbrink

“As we all expected. Into the sunset.” – MattMcDermott

“I just yell ‘HEY GOOGLE, ENTER IT’ repeatedly until it enters it or turns on” – MattMcDermott


“Then you’ll work for some other top secret government” – MorganLuckey

“It’s like, we rule ALL of North America and nobody knows. And we’re British which is why we’ve got this accent.” – PatrickMeehan

“I’m not a parasite!” – AbbyGregory

“I can’t get away” – RebeccaThomas

“First thing when I get to Colorado, I will drink the tap water” – MorganLuckey

“We should from now on call you SamGutekunst the Small Butt. SamGutekunst of the Small Butt?” – AbbyGregory

“I was trying to be a barnacle… she rejected me!” – AbbyGregory

“Dry butt couch. DBC.” – KatyAnderson

“That water. It’s awful” – SamGutekunst

RebeccaThomas! You’re my whale, I’m your barnacle” – AbbyGregory

RebeccaThomas drinks her cider bitterly. She has decided she’s not drunk enough for this yet.

“I don’t live in East! Fucking deal with this yourself!” - AbbyGregory

MorganLuckey is still drinking water from her alcohol bottle despite the nature of this event.

“Why would I drink alcohol out of a vodka bottle!? Really, AbbyGregory!” – MorganLuckey

“It was horrifying, as a sophomore, to see proctors naked in the lounge” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“…using that random part of the recycling bin that no one knows what it’s for to cover himself as he PROCTORED SOMEONE” – RebeccaThomas

“You look at yourself in the mirror and you see someone….” – AbbyGregory


 “I love when you’re more sober than other people and you can control them in their drunkenness” – RebeccaThomas

“I made a Dracula Easter Bunny basket for a class” – KatyAnderson

“But not you guys, cause you all are squares” – KevinLau

“What’s brown and sticky? A STICK” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

 “There’s some gin, it’s pretty bitter.” – PatrickMeehan

“I’m bitter that NOBODY will get back to me and tell me what I’m doing with my life… I want to move to London where I will seduce Tom Hiddleston into marriage and live in his house. I will use his influence to touch cool books…. My personal favorite [name for Tom Hiddleston’s peniss] is the Buckingham Phallus. All you need to understand tumblr is ‘Social justice, depression, Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, tv shows’ and that’s it.” – GretchenAllen

“I’m fucking bitter because I hate all my fucking friends” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“An oasis of absolute weirdness in a sea of more weirdness” – GretchenAllen (on Kosher Chords)

11 PM

“His name is actually Blended Cucumber. Fix it” – GretchenAllen

“…She’s also obsessed with how hot Leonard Nemoy is which doesn’t make any fucking sense” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“She should get a shirt with ‘I’d Fock Spock’ on it” – GretchenAllen

People are headed to South? Or Sontag? I am no longer responsible for taking notes on them, that’s all I know.

“I am inside you.” – PatrickMeehan

“How to cut a guy’s dick off?” – AricHunter

“Well it sounds like taking off underwear, so…” – DavidLingenbrink

“I am always bitter and I am now in your proximity. Fucking deal with it” – DavidScott

 “It should really be a ‘Fuck my Advisor’ shirt” – DavidScott

“Yeah but if you put a person instead of Clinic it turns into the other type of fuck, and I don’t want to do that” – GregKronmiller?

“My team is having a great time. We submitted the worlds shittiest rough draft ever yesterday and it was 98 pages!” – DavidScott

“I don’t drink and my friends are all drunkards” – SidraHussain

“Now JakeLow sucks because he has short hair” – SidraHussain

“I’m bitter at… being a worse writer, not sleeping enough, not having my full mental capacity because I’m not sleeping enough…. She’s got a great fro thing with a bow in it and a flower she’s adorable! I want to be friends with her! What am I bitter about? I’m bitter about the chemistry department being really closed about how much money that they have, I’m bitter that I’m broke” - MorganLuckey

“DUDE BEING BROKE SUCKS” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“So being broke and not able to buy food is awful. But, I can buy cookies. And Super King makes being broke okay.” – MorganLuckey

“I feel like my eating habits have gotten worse as I’ve gotten older as I’ve been less on the meal plan and just microwave things” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“I’m bitter about how poorly Mudd has prepared me for communicating. I was almost eloquent in high school! And now I don’t get that unless I go to CMC.” – MorganLuckey

“Dude, I’ve been bitter since I was a Frosh.” – SidraHussain

“I’ve been bitter since… I don’t want to think about how long I’ve been bitter” - GregKronmiller?

“I’m not bitter yet!” – MorganLuckey

“Today I’m bitter about DAC. DAC sucks.” – SidraHussain

“I’m giving KevinLau Lau a lap sit” - PatrickMeehan

“We’re levitating Case’s Penis the height of Case up into the air… I don’t know where I was going with that” – GregKronmiller?

“I’ve broken up with SidraHussain like 10 times she just hadn’t noticed” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“Yeah I just have a really thick skull” – SidraHussain

“I don’t know who’s hand this is” – SidraHussain

“Fuck Clinic!” – PatrickMeehan with a pelvic thrust and musical tonnage

Lion King is being sung AudreyMusselmanBrown and JoelOrnstein. Hakuna Matata really is a wonderful phrase.

GregKronmiller? wants PatrickMeehan to stay away from his genitals.

“How do you say tickle?” – JakeLow

JakeLow tries really hard to speak Japanese to LaurenNishizaki


“FUCK YOU, NORTH!” – A lot of people

“I have not looked at a clock since I bought tacos at 7:50” – JakeLow


“Taco man is the most AMAZING taco place. They make you TACOS” – JakeLow

 “This is how KevinLau responds to having his penis fondled” – DavidScott

“CONSERVATION OF KEVINS!!” – GregKronmiller?

 “Nobody pranks anymore. I’m bitter” – SidraHussain

“It’s because Mercutio jumped on her” – SidraHussain


“So two years ago, I mean three years ago, no two- no three years ago” – DavidScott a minute later

DavidScott has a lot of facts about Room Draw memorized. I am duly impressed.

DavidScott doesn’t know why people hate him” – KevinLau while rubbing DavidScott’s stomach

“You should probably not jump on me while I’m standing near people” – PatrickMeehan

“Why are you talking about Room Draw?” – Literally everyone


“FUCK OH MY GOD MY PARENTS” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“Fuck, oh my god, my parents” – PatrickMeehan, in a more sensual tone

“I am way more AudreyMusselmanBrown’s roommate than RebeccaThomas will ever be!” – AbbyGregory

“My parents were worried that these guys were going to get drunk and come steal our underpants” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“I don’t even know what happens on second floor, I’ve never been there!” – DavidScott

“Taco Tuesday became a codeword for ‘the bathroom stinks’” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“Speaking of fire hazards… I submitted such a bitchy work order about it!” – DavidScott

“When I was a frosh I lived in the Lounge” – SidraHussain

AudreyMusselmanBrown, do you remember the Shakespeare dance?” – KatyAnderson

“Is it P. Sherman Wallaby Way? Fuck, I forgot the 42!” – AricHunter

“I just think he didn’t have a bottom, so he just ‘uhh’” – PatrickMeehan

12 AM

“You know how at Boy Scouts they served you red drank or yellow drank or tequila drank? …I had a good Boy Scouts Camp” – PatrickMeehan

“Yes, KevinLau, escort me to your boudoir” – PatrickMeehan

“I heard ‘your stew’ and I was really confused because that’s not how I remember the Purim story going” – GregKronmiller?

 “I just had a train of thought, it went, ‘I’m cold.’” – PatrickMeehan

AricHunter just transferred high fives for people.

“My calc teacher said there were two things you should do in your life…. 1. Be in a play and 2. Shave your head” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“She said it in such a sarcastic tone of voice that it wrapped back around and became serious” – PatrickMeehan

“Audrey! Audrey! Audrey! Audrey!” – PatrickMeehan

“What, Patrick? What, Patrick? What, Patrick? What, Patrick?” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“NOTHING!” – PatrickMeehan

“Am I slurring and stuff? …I need to drink more.” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“AND I’M LIKE ‘WHAT THE FUCK!!!!’” – DavidScott, in classic style

“I don’t understand how you control your lip like that” – LaurenNishizaki

“I haven’t turned in a time sheet since sophomore year” – JakeLow, who’s apparently been grutoring for free for 2 years

“When I cared, when I was not a senior…” – PaNts

“Well now you’re here to say more dumb things, so it’s okay” – SidraHussain

Lots of screaming. So much screaming. If you were in East at the time you probably heard the screaming.

Hey look, it’s another round of rejection shots. Or just shots. I can no longer tell.

“I heard body shots” – Greg

“It’s probably vegan… it’s made of demons” – PaNts

“Little crispy sheets of bread” – JakeLow

SidraHussain knows a lot about bread types. It’s also impressive.

“I’m trying to cuddle with you without causing you pain” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“And they’re spelt differently!” – DavidScott

“I have a theory that there were two names named Mont and Clare and they were kings of the Montclair area but they couldn’t decide who’s name should go first so they just split the area in half” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“Did you know SamGutekunst has 12 elbows?” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“If he sat on me I could tell you where the rest of them are” – SidraHussain

“I remember when people threw condoms in our room when we were having a tickle fight, if that’s what you’re asking.” – SamGutekunst

“I’m BITTER over it!” – JoelOrnstein

JoelOrnstein and GregKronmiller? keep reciting Who’s on First

“And by not drunk enough I mean I haven’t had anything to drink in days” – GregKronmiller?

“If only my essay could go this quickly” – an unnamed person who’s OBVIOUSLY A SENIOR

“It’s like the opposite of ‘not a bowling ball’!” – JoelOrnstein

“Did you know that my stomach tastes like orange juice?” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

SamGutekunst, to be perfectly honest, you’re just the sort of person who everyone thinks is awesome… like, people who never meet you…” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“I’m gonna miss Mudd, so much” – SamGutekunst (still missing the bitterness)

“But I need to factor polynomials!” – JoelOrnstein

“PROPOGATE CONFUSION!” – GregKronmiller?

“IDK but I third base!” – GregKronmiller?

“Words are- I- yes- the thing” – GregKronmiller?

“Biased food” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“6 arms, 2 legs, tell your friends” – PaNts

“On all other nights we either express our bitterness or do not express our bitterness, why on this night do we only express our bitterness?” – JoelOrnstein

“I have a memory of a grapefruit right now” – GregKronmiller?


“I expect to be invited to every person here’s wedding” – SamGutekunst

I can hear DavidScott being bitter in the background. It’s a beautiful soundtrack to the night.

“Drinking problem! Good one!” – JoelOrnstein


“What did F&M do to KiraWyld?” – PatrickMeehan

(Apparently RebeccaThomas and DavidScott are bitching about F&M and I’m missing everything because I don’t want to stand up.)

“We’re not going to Norms” - RebeccaThomas

“I want fucking Norms!” – SamGutekunst

“…Is my home more comfy than this grass?” – PaNts

“What happens in the grass stays in the grass” – PaNts

“And then goes into the grass” – KatyAnderson

1 AM

“Oh SamGutekunst, your sharp hips against my cheek, so sharp./ Oh yonder sharp hips against my face,/ So sharp,/ You’re like a flower, SamGutekunst” – PaNts

“Abstract problem? PUNCH IT IN THE THROAT” – SidraHussain quoting Mentar Bryan1? AM

“She put her boob in my heart, I did not put my heart in her boob” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“Can you imagine SamGutekunst as a boxer?” – AudreyMusselmanBrown

“I have the enthusiasm of a Frosh” – SamGutekunst

10 May 2013

JeffreyHemphill: God bless bio majors… and their thesis wood.

Everyone: To being fucking done already!

XandaSchofield: I’m pretty sure I was bra frosh.

XandaSchofield: What is the world coming to when we can’t even trust our cookies anymore?

Everyone: Get off our lawn, frosh!

XandaSchofield: We can buy alcohol legally now! We don’t have to steal it from the clinic tables anymore.

XandaSchofield: Philip Zimbardo looks kinda like Satan.

DietrichLangenbach: Make one of the East questions on the purity test: Have you slept with Xanda’s mother?

JeffreyHemphill: Have YOU watched porn with Xanda’s mother?

JosephDearden: Say, hasn’t it been about 10 seconds since we last looked at our lemon tree?

JosephDearden: Jeff, I don’t know what it sounds like when you achieve orgasm, but I hope it doesn’t sound like a racecar every time.

JoshOratz: You’ve never tried to have sex while walking?

DietrichLangenbach: Hey, hey, not with former roommates.

LizSarapata: What sort of tree has a handle on it? XandaSchofield: Speaking of handles, I should probably drink more.

XandaSchofield: John, you should donate your email to science.

LizSarapata: Speaking of babies, guess what I have now, guys!

XandaSchofield: Do any of the other womens have this?

RosalieCarlson?: West dorm should have a baby. JoshOratz: It would be on fire in an hour. LizSarapata: We should name it Burnie! LizSarapata: …guess how it died. JoshOratz: Anthrax.

XandaSchofield: …but my mom did get a girl pregnant.

JeffreyHemphill: I’ll put it on the hill in Linde field and call it Hemphill dorm.

DietrichLangenbach: I remember in freshman year when I grew a beard because I was too lazy to walk back up to my room.

JoshOratz: The question is: did we spin it as a top, or did we roll it like a ball?

DietrichLangenbach: …and this is why we have too many students admitted this year. JosephDearden: …because we didn’t kill them during prefrosh weekend!

DietrichLangenbach: Guys, we should burn more crosses.

DietrichLangenbach: Yes, you have to put your balls on the counter.

JohnPeebles: I’m sorry Josh, I don’t really want to make out with you… right now.

DietrichLangenbach: Wanna cuddle, and give me five dollars while you’re at it? JohnPeebles: Double fisting

JohnPeebles: No, but the lounge is very attractive. I would sleep with the lounge.

JohnPeebles: Wow, Jessica. Sometimes I wish I was you so I could have me as a friend.

JoshOratz: You want a quote? I have a quote. PENIS!!!

JoshOratz: Sweden looks like a penis. DietrichLangenbach: Your mother looks like a penis!

4 May 2012

EricMullen: I’m completely sober right now StephanieLevins: THAT MAKES ONE OF US.

StephanieLevins: I’m totally not a proctor tonight, please don’t die, I won’t save you. Dibbsie-do on not being responsible.

AaronGable: Do you have high standards? AllisonMis: I dated Peacock, so no.

StephanieLevins: Why is this popping? WilliamGrabill: Because there’s oil and shit in the wood StephanieLevins: You got oil and shit in your wood.

StephanieLevins: Do you want sex on the beach in your face? AaronGable: I think the only reasonable answer is yes. EricMullen: Straight-up, not on the rocks

KathrynLingel: What were you doing on top of your clinic team? JohnGrasel?: Bend over and I’ll show you

StephanieLevins: Fuck yeah this is too long!!

StephanieLevins: Oops I have boobs. AaronGable: It’s not your fault. NikkiPeck: Why are you apologizing for having boobs? StephanieLevins: It seemed right.


EricMullen: jesus fucking give me more alcohol

StephanieLevins: I’m not very in a slippery mood

WilliamGrabill: I always got the impression you two were like fast friends, bosom buddies, more alliterative things.

EricMullen: I wish it was 5 instead of 4 cause that’s a purity point JohnGrasel?: should’ve n+1’d it.

StephanieLevins: BITTER MY ASS

AaronGable: This braid is very lopsided feeling. KathrynLingel: You look like Thomas Jefferson.

PaulRiggins: We have to redefine weebles. WilliamGrabill: I feel like they wobbled and then they fell down. But weebles wobble but they don’t fall down. So they weren’t a very good weeble.

StephanieLevins: It’s senior-I’mma-slap-you-in-your-face-ness. Learn your place.

WilliamGrabill: Two will grabills on the couch? Explain that one to me later, I don’t think I’d get it now.

RebeccaYoung: there are so many redheads here. I’m friends with all of them. I don’t know all the blonde people.

WilliamGrabill: you’re not… KTR? Katherine the red? KathrynLingel: is that a thing? AaronGable: it is now.

StephanieLevins: Allison, I will pee in the bushes with you if that is what you so desire.

RebeccaYoung: It looks like the stars.. ahhh… ooohhh

RebeccaYoung: that’s because you’ have mushrooms on yours instead of real meat like a man. AaronGable: I’ve GOT real meat like a man.

KathrynLingel: You have the same haircut and you have a nose.

RebeccaYoung: My name is fucking ben jones, bitch… Junes. Jones.



RebeccaYoung: for some fine metric…. KathrynLingel: metric of fine? RebeccaYoung: great band name! KathrynLingel: only if the members are all really hot. And nerdy.

WilliamGrabill: Pregame for bitterness. I mean pregame on the bitterness not the alcohol. I’ll leave that to Stephanie.

WilliamGrabill: I brush my teeth so I don’t have calculus.

StephanieLevins: OH MY HOT DAMN.

GwenGroover: Gentile massaging with the wood?

RebeccaYoung: Aww fuck. What is the fuck with this fucking fuck?

StephanieLevins: It’s holding the ocean if I keep some of it open. WilliamGrabill: An ocean of crazy hallucinations.

StephanieLevins: I love…. Alcohol. WilliamGrabill: Can you see the ocean? StephanieLevins: I can see the ocean and it sees me.

WilliamGrabill: I thought I was going to be the one to sell out to industry. For the loot. Lutes. Lutes are a boring instrument. Only Accordions.

StephanieLevins: I will slap you so hard your children are gonna cry. WilliamGrabill: I’d like to see you try! StephanieLevins: I will hurt you!! WilliamGrabill: Come at me bro!

WilliamGrabill: BRO BRO BRO BRO

StephanieLevins: you can’t quote actions! **creepily waves at scribe**

PaulRiggins: I think that fire needs more wood. StephanieLevins: I think a lot of things need more wood.

WilliamGrabill: Yay, clinic! BUT FUCK CLINIC! KathrynLingel: Fuck clinic! GwenGroover: Fuck thesis!

GwenGroover: Fuck fibro. Fuck it sideways with a rusty cheese grater.

RebeccaYoung: you look like you’re good at shoe shopping.

PaulRiggins: Wait what are you going shoe shopping for? NikkiPeck: What don’t you need shoes for? PaulRiggins: Well… NikkiPeck: Well being Paul, you don’t understand.

KathrynLingel: Oh my god you guys are really sweet! RebeccaYoung: Can I punch him in the face now?

RebeccaYoung: What are my nonessential body parts? I still have my tonsils. Do you want my tonsil?

CameronConti: I’ve seen at least one on campus and it usually runs away. To see a group of four of them gathered under my window howling…


WilliamGrabill: It’s definitely easier sitting so I can use my legs and go plfffft

RebeccaYoung: Fake West is coming. So is winter. So is your mom. SophieWaldman?: Winter is game of thrones. RebeccaYoung: And your mom is your mom.

NikkiPeck: you have one of those automatic drunk text phones StephanieLevins: ALL OF MY SOBER TEXTS LOOK DRUNK! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!

StephanieLevins: I’m going to watch Mulan and like Bambi and like… Mulan! BenJones And like Mulan? NikkiPeck: How is it you just said like 6 Disney movies and they were all the same? StephanieLevins: I DON’T KNOW ANY GODDAMN DISNEY MOVIES SHUT UP!!

StephanieLevins: Dude... I amen that second. I second that.

WilliamGrabill: I see three. In a triangle. An isoschcles tchriangles.

BenJones: Can I touch your accordion? WilliamGrabill: You can put your hands all over my accordion.

StephanieLevins: it is my sad night of nostalgia and drunk.

StephanieLevins: I had my phone on vibrate and it usually wakes me up. WilliamGrabill: You use a vibrator to wake you up? StephanieLevins: Yeah. I just put it in and wake for someone to call to wake me up.

StephanieLevins: I asked Adam for his clitoris and he said he’d make me one.

WilliamGrabill: Even though we sterilized you you kept your man card? AaronGable: Yes.

AaronGable: And from that point on I was sterile. Then I found $5. NikkiPeck: I feel like given inflation, you should have found 10.

RebeccaYoung: Because you bring it to my room, which is a place of destruction and knowledge AaronGable: And you touch yourself at night RebeccaYoung: Not just at night.

WilliamGrabill: I don’t know if I’d call him a witch, but he definitely lived in a house made of candy.

StephanieLevins: I am literally incapable of the sound in the ear.

18 April 2010

RichardBowen: "I've gotta fucking drink. Alright, fuck you, I'm drinking"

KwangKetcham: "Do you want a hug?" KaylinSpitz: "No, I want to stab the fucking math department."

KaylinSpitz: "Let's be honest - out of everyone here, I have the largest penis."

SarahDerry: "He liked boyscouts more than fucking me."

SarahDerry: "I'm dating my boyfriend because he looks like my best friend."

BrianaKonigsberg: "And we like need to let these things air out." SarahDerry: "Yeah, like my tits."

SarahDerry: "... and skank away into the night." Somebody: "Skank?" SarahDerry: "Yeah, it's what I do."

RichardMehlinger: "I just wanted a blanket; I didn't want a footjob."

KwangKetcham: "Why am I shaking?" AlyssaDray: "Because Bob is nodding vigorously."

ZviEffron: "I own two pairs of panties... The bra was a birthday present."

BrianaKonigsberg: "I've heard something called pink pussey is good."

BrianaKonigsberg: "You should probably stop groping his laptop; it's awkward."

RichardBowen: "Does anyone else vote for me putting the hot wood in?"

KwangKetcham: "If you write llama on me I swear I will punch you."

TrystanKoch: "Hey! Sober people. Get the fuck over here."

KevinOelze: "The succession of assholes prevails."

RichardBowen, feeding a thesis draft to the fire: "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you applied mathematics."

KevinOelze: "I'm going to give you up, I'm going to let you down, I'm going to run around and desert you." RichardBowen: "Do I hear what I think I hear? Rick-Roelze?"

Someone: "Fuck! Cock balls!" KevinOelze: "Barbara Streisand!"

ChrisSauro: "I wonder if Trystan still knows how to make the sweet fuck we once invented."

KwangKetcham: "e is way cooler than pi!" RichardBowen: "Yeah. Sorta." BenKeller: "Fuck e. Go phi."

RichardBowen: "Or I could give "dick in my mouth" lessons to Harvey Mudd College alums."

RichardBowen: "Anybody a virgin?"

BobChen: "Never have I ever had a non-awkward threesome."

HelenFitzmaurice: "Never have I ever photographed someone naked in Joint Science." MorganConbere: "Hey!"

RichardBowen: "I closed my eyes and I had green Berler's arm."

BrianaKonigsberg: "Never have I ever married someone with a British accent."

MichaelGilik?: "On the other hand, I imagine that having your clitoris cauterized by focused lasers would hurt."

BrianaKonigsberg: "What if it was a house centipede?"

RichardBowen: "Ben, you can suck my dick, but I can't promise I'll orgasm."

BobChen: "It's not really a gang bang, it's more of a chain bang."

Robin: "Bob? I'm not saying what I just thought."

Someone: "The quotes are the only record of this ever occurring. Kind of like Vegas. But with less herpes."

ArianaFriedman: "[Marc]'s probably going to show him his clinic. It's big and hard. I'm not kidding. It's several thousand pounds of concrete."

BobChen and KaylinSpitz: (sung) And they went to London just to dance and they went to London just to dance...

KwangKetcham: "What's your alcohol tolerance?" BenKeller: "This is as much as I've had." KwangKetcham: "Can I lick your beard?" BenKeller: "I'm not drunk enough for that." BobChen: "Well in that case…*licks beard* That's three!"

AlexBishop?: "You know what I'm bitter about? You guys had some perfectly good lumber behind East and you fucking set it on fire."

JamesBrown: "I think we should drink to things Richard' s not drinking to."

MichaelGilik?: "Guy humping a girl, girl is off the ground completely - no part of her is touching the ground...and guy is wearing a beer helmet."

RichardBowen: "Get off my peni...lawn! There's too many frosh on my penis!"

RichardBowen: "Josh - W T ...that's not a t, that's more of a sigma...F."

KevinOelze: "I'm more of a sommelier of 14 year old girls." SamJust: "So you pop their tops off and show them around?"

MichaelGilik?: "I need a single shot to surprise me into the happy zone."

JamesBrown: "I don't know why you are rubbing my iPhone." RichardBowen: "James, you should come to my room later and we can jailbreak your iPhone."

ZviEffron: "Question: is it men-strate or men-stru-ate and we just mispronounce it?"

RichardBowen: "You are all wasting your time with that science fiction shit. There is only one show and that is Frasier."

RichardBowen: "If you watch me pee it would be blurination."

AlexisNast: "They're in love and living in a house together and now they're looking for PAINT!"

RichardBowen: "Everyone born in a state adjacent to Ohio gets one point!"

KwangKetcham: "Why did no one tell me there was a fire!? I would have printed out an extra copy of my thesis."

22 April 2007

AndreaHeald?: "I should have slept with a sophomore last year, but I couldn't predict."
JonathanBeall: "I still need a frosh and a junior chemist."

KrystleMcBride?: "There are pictures of me with only nipples covering my blue tape."

"Tonight, tonight, we will sit naked tonight!"

AndreaHeald?: "It wasn't worth it when I didn't have a boyfriend I was fucking continuously."
BenJencks: "Not discretely, but continuously?"

Group, to random twin running past: "Why is there only one of you?!"
Random Twin: "I'm not my brother's keeper!"

"You need someone on top of you."

"I like that Sake! It's like Robitussin with bite."

AdamField: "No matter how slowly you drink 151 it still tastes like burning."

"Abandon pants all ye who enter here."
"No, no, I'm not a good place to take pants off."
"There's more that's meant by 'Ahem' than taking pants off!"

"Frances, is that a 14-year-old boy in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"

"I tend to be a very migratory lover."

"It's good to start with the introductions before the making out."

"You sleep with the person. Then we hit them in the head with a brick. 'Do you remember them?' 'Yes...' BRICK! '...no.' 'Good.'"

KevinBergemann: "Some people drink to forget; I just run into walls."
AdamField: "Drinking is safer."
KevinBergemann: "I've heard that before, but I ran into a wall and forgot."

"They're testing to see whose breasts fit into his chest hole better!"

AndreaHeald?: "Yay! Andy breasts!!"

"Careful, you'll get her shoulder all moist."

"What's that mark on your chest?"
"That would be Frances."

JonathanBeall: "I've only had oral sex in a car."

RichardGarfinkel: "Hey, hey! Nobody's having sex in my car before me!"
(random): "Quick! Someone have sex with Richard!"

"He got cancer after high school..."
"Hey, that's a pretty necklace."

FrancesHocutt: "Was it you who told Morgan I had interesting nipples?"

AmandaKlaus: "I have never experienced Robin!"

JonathanBeall: "Frances knows how to give me marks that end up black."

BenJencks: "Why am I still wearing pants?"
(Andy takes off her pants)

AmandaKlaus: "You can't expect me to take off my pants in front of ten other people!"
KevinBergemann: *counts* "There are only nine other people here!"

AmandaKlaus: "Mmm...Sexy! Sexy!"
JonathanBeall: "Watch the pomegranate juice."

JonathanBeall: "MacKenzie took both of my virginities."
AdamField: "Both?"
JonathanBeall: "She took my virginity and then she fucked me in the ass with a strap-on."

RobinSchriebman: "Adam, uh, Adam... You have underwear stuck to your shoe."

(to AmandaKlaus) "You're nibbling on the pocky because you're not sure you have an A cup?"

RobinSchriebman: "I probably won't actually be seduced."

JonathanBeall: "I'm completely straight! I wouldn't do... (very long pause) ... well."

AmandaKlaus (to Eva): "So where's your John tonight?"

16 April 2005

"Crap - where is my shirt?!" --JeffBrenion

"Special exceptions are made for underclassmen we want to see naked. Do you want to be an exception?" --JeffBrenion

ChainMaille: What state is Northwestern in?
LoriThomas: Chicago.

"Eh! It's like cheap with cheap." -RyanRiegel, after taking a shot of white vinegar and cheap vodka.

"At Scripps they really know how to bounce." -EliBogart

"I'm not happy not being an engineer cause I'm like an engineer or something. Huh?" -ChrisWottawa

"Do you want it harder?" --RyanRiegel

"How does that work? Do you have a USB clitoris?" --JulieWortman

"Why isn't it detecting my clitoris? Why isn't my clitoris backwards-compatible?" --MacKenzieStuart

RyanRiegel: You're faking it, I can tell.
AaronHomer: No, no! I really want you man!

"Wow, that llama moves really fast!" --ChrisWottawa

MiriamLeisman: To Scripps screwing me in the ass!
JonathanBeall: Wait, wait! I'm in on this one, too.

"This is the most I've ever drinken." -JeffBrenion

"I I I I am this many drunk." --JulieWortman

LizzieKadison: Julie, are you hitting on my boyfriend?
JulieWortman: No! I'm hitting on you.

ChainMaille: Richard! Why are you still here and not drunk?
ChrisWottawa: Do you want my screwdriver? It's 58% okay!

"I'm not sober! I mean, I'm not drunk!" --LizzieKadison

"They should totally be makin' out. Dat be moa haht." --RyanRiegel

15 April 2004

"Don't drink and graduate!" --Matt Livianu

"I've had a lot to drink. I've had 1 and a half bottles-- of root beer." --MichaelVrable

"And I care a lot more about fucking Bush..." --RachelGabor

"I froze my tooth." --MelissaBanister

"North was a hooker!" (also declared to be hookers: West, Atwood, Linde, Sontag, CampSec, YourMom, pink (at Case), the LAC, Mildred, Aja, and MarshallPierce) --all

It should be noted that North had a dorm meeting tonight and came to East with the traditional shout "Mildred was a hooker!". DrunkSenior-led East yelled back, "And she was damn good, too!", to which North responded with much applause. The applause was not, in fact, for what was said. Instead, people were applauding for Tavi, who managed to make the East drunken mob yell more clearly than I'd ever imagined was possible.

Also, to South: "Sorry wrong dorm!" -Everyone

And to Case: "The hooker wore pink!" -everyone (just in case nobody posts it later).

"Alcohol is acceptable, but thesis?" --TaraMartin

"About the only thing I can do is stand and multiply." --DanCicio

"Conor, you make a sexy D6." --RachelGabor

"And my mom thought that since I got in everywhere I wouldn't get drunk tonight." --RachelGabor

"I didn't say Bush! I stopped in the middle of fucking!" --RachelGabor

"This is stems, not math! It's organic!" --StephanieWong

"You have two heads." --RachelGabor to KatyPerdue

"Kay's taking notes? Oh god." --DanCicio

"Whoa. If the vodka's almost gone, we did good." --JessicaFisher

   "So am I continuously drunk or discretely drunk?" --Jessica Nelson
   "You're indiscreetly drunk." --Clay Hambrick

"They've got toes, Katy, they've got toes!!" --RachelGabor



"Is this the pink one?" --DustinBarnard, on AtwoodDorm

"Only Brie gets to grab my ass!" --GeoffRomer

    GeoffRomer: "Drink until your stomach says stop!"
    DustinBarnard: "Don't do that; your stomach's a DumbAss!"

"I'm going to go paint the bunny now." --DustinBarnard

"Don't fuck me!" --DustinBarnard to EjWu

"She's the one who makes Dan's hair fucked up all the time." --DustinBarnard


"I tried to point at myself and missed."--KurtDresner

"I keep saying things and two sentences later I realize they were very funny."--KurtDresner

"An hour and a half is just a half hour, except with a three on top instead of a one."--KurtDresner

"I love those guys."--KurtDresner (re: NorthDorm)

"East is drunk, screw us now!"--all

"Linde is pink, screw us anyway!"--all

"It's weird to go from being a non-drinker to being a drinker in half an hour."--SeemaPatel

"Why am I carrying this around? It's empty!"--NateCappallo

"We need to go to the colonies!" --SeemaPatel

"We need to get drunker!" --TitusWinters

"I owe it all to Kurt that I've even seen Bill and Ted's Bogus Journus!" -DanielOsborn

"I'd rather suck cock than drink another one of those." -SeemaPatel

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