[Home]History of SamGutekunst

Revision 5 . . (edit) December 5, 2010 16:05 by 173-19-227-244.client.mchsi.com

Difference (from prior major revision) (minor diff, author diff)

Changed: 6c6,55
*Also known as "GOGGLES!"
*Also known as "GOGGLES!"

On a sun-cut mesa, elk tug at a glue/nut mess tuck(ed) under a stone
boot—the last remnants of the statue of a grieving family’s lost son.

He had been lost on his second birthday, which the family had
celebrated at Emu’s Gluten-Suck, their family restaurant. It was an
Australian fast-food franchise sensation dedicated to libations
composed of tasty wheat starch.

This would be his coming-of-age party, the moment when he realized
that the life of the hedonistic wheat-fermenter was not for him. As
silently as only two-year olds can manage, he crept through the
automatic doors of the restaurant, leaving his family in the haze they
had brought upon themselves.

Nothing could cure the lad’s wanderlust: he stowed away on an
animal-bearing ship destined for America, his only companionship in
the cargo hold coming from the ship’s two wildebeests. What they ate,
he ate. What they drank, he drank, and where they slept, he slept. The
beasts adopted him as theirs, and his copious amounts of body hair
gave off quite the wildebeestly impression. Only one humanly habit
remained of the boy: his compulsive need to wash once a day prevented
him from acquiring the characteristic scent of the wildebeest.

The ship’s journey ended at San Diego Zoo, where they were sold and
sheltered in the African Savannah exhibit. He quickly became one of
the most popular animals, thanks to his human features and comically
small size, not to mention his lack of wildebeest smell.

His residence would span three years before his parents, seeking
opportunities to expand their business in the states, would finally
see their son again at the zoo. Where most saw only a shaggy coat,
his father saw the unmistakable curls of the Gutekunst mustache. There
was no doubt about it: this was none other than Samuel C. Gutekunst.

“There’s been a mistake. That wildebeest is our son!” said an outraged
mother to the zookeeper of the exhibit.

“Which one?” replied the elderly keeper.

“The small one that doesn’t smell!”


With motherly fury she yelled, every syllable enunciated, “CUTE GNU,


FunWiki | RecentChanges | Preferences