Ian Darke
Smurfs and the Quest for Racial Unity
Cranberrry orange stains cover her nipples making them standing out like the bleeding eyes of Christ on those crucifixes that taxi cab drivers keep hanging on their rear view mirrors. The posed figure balances precariously on on one foot with the other arched gracefully into the air behind her with a gesture worthy of the ballerina's grace. A bead of sweat rolls into her navel. The ground beneath her sinks and she is carried away rather rapidly into a nightmare not of anyone's creation. Lost school children ran around in a panic looking for their bus drivers, the lions and lambs slept together, we were what we ate, and a smurf is two to three apples high according to the TV show. You know, it would really suck to be stepped on by someone 50 feet tall. I mean think how helpless you would feel. Running through trees which to him must seem like brussell sprouts. Like you could outrun him. Squashed man, thats what you would be: S Q U A S H E D like I need to spell it out. Now that isn't cool. I don't see the humor in that. And that is a show for kids. Little kids watch that show! Now what the fuck is up with our country when we have our kids watching TV shows that say its okay to have blue skin, its okay to be different, the color of skin doesn't matter. My white KKK ass it doesn't matter. Like we need that filth on TV. They're all probably fucking queers too. Only one woman to the whole bunch. Sure she's a looker. Sure I had a few erotic dreams about Smurfette when I was a child. Haven't we all? But that one broad can't possibly service the needs of 99 other able bodied men. Sure women are whores, and their libidos (obviously how god punished Eve when he expelled her from Eden) arne't easily satisfied by a good loving husband, but 99 dicks, even if they are little and blue should be enough. No, I bet those smurfs play anal ranger in between episodes. Looney toons. Now there is quality programming. I liked those ones with the Indian that they always made fun of -- how he had a big red nose and was really slow.