---------------------------
        Entitlement
~ A Moment in a Dorm Room ~
---------------------------
	With a soft exhalation that could have been a sigh of relief in 
disguise, Heero rasped his key into its slot, waiting his customary one 
second for the advance warning to sink in before turning the knob and 
entering their sanctum.  Sweeping over the room with his eyes to 
determine that all was secure, he shut the door firmly behind him and 
proceeded towards his side of the room.  In the process of depositing 
his backpack beside his desk, he caught a faint sound effect coming from 
Duo's side of the room.  Hearing it once more, he identified its source 
as Duo's laptop.  Curious, he leaned over to catch sight of the 
activities from that vector.  "Online games?"

	Duo had his chin propped up with one hand.  With the other, he 
clicked mindlessly on the little colored cubes, slowly but surely 
clearing the game board.  "Hm."

	Heero took that to be a 'yes' and forewent further comment for 
the moment in favor of watching the game and determining the rules of 
play.

	The speakers chirped out a merry jingle when Duo finished the 
game, triggering a colorful popup filled with exciting descriptions of 
what more he could accomplish, if only he would download the full 
version of the game.  Duo paid it no heed, clicking quickly past it, 
closing the window, and opening the next game in the list, the one 
alphabetically below the previous.

	After only a few seconds observation of this next little game, 
Heero became puzzled.  "Isn't this the exact same game you were just 
playing?"

	"Yup."  Different shapes and different colors and different 
bonuses and a different theme, but still the exact same game.

	"Is it any better than the last one?"

	"Nope.  Well, no, the sound's not as annoying."

	Not much of a recommendation in his book.  He watched the game a 
little longer, wondering if perhaps the true difference between this 
game and the last had simply not materialized yet, but Duo's swift 
victory over the level proved that that was all there was.  Again, the 
game was shut down and the next opened.

	Heero stared at it as Duo started clicking again.  "Isn't this 
the exact--"

	"Yup."  Underwater theme, this time.

	"Are they all like that?"

	"Pretty much."

	"...Do people get paid for making those games?"

	Duo snorted.  "Man, I don't know, but if they do, I've found 
what I want to do after graduation.  You could make infinite money doing 
this.  Hell, after the core was done, you'd just have to write a script 
to randomly plug in different colors and text.  You don't even have to 
do anything after that, and you'd still be able to rake in the dough."

	Heero made a wry noise, but it coincided with the sound of a 
cascade of bubbles, throwing him off for a moment.  "You going to tell 
them that next week?"

	He laughed, though his eyes remained fixed on the screen.  "'So, 
Duo, have you given any thought to what you want to do after 
graduation?'  'Yes, sir, I've decided to create a machine to make an 
endless supply of mind-numbing time-wasting devices that will accumulate 
loads of revenue and support me for life.'  Yeah, I'm sure that would go 
over well with the docs."

	"You'd be contributing to society."

	"Uh, yeah, society's decline."  He finished the underwater game 
and moved on to a safari game.

	"Maybe if more of the dissidents played games like these, they'd 
have less time to foment rebellion."

	"Maybe the next time a war rolls around, we should just hack all 
their computers and upload these things.  Maybe that'd stop things 
before they get out of hand."

	"I'll be sure to mention the idea to Relena, next time I talk to 
her."

	The capture of thirty animals later, Duo ran out of puzzle 
games.  "Hm.  Arcade games.  Those have to be something different.  Ooh, 
Chicken Invaders III.  That sounds promising."  He started the small 
application up and began shooting astro-chickens that were twice the 
size of his little spacecraft.

	If nothing else, it was different than the games before, if no 
less mind-numbing.  He finished the first five levels, got his reminder 
to download the game some time, and pressed continue.  The game 
restarted, but with more chickens.

	When it became clear that quantity was the only difference 
between this round and the last, Heero spoke up again.  "Duo?"

	"Yeah?"

	"Why are you still playing this?"

	"Why are you still watching?"

	Hm.  Good question.  He blinked, and tore himself away from the 
strangely mesmerizing little games, wandering back to his desk in a 
daze.  When in the course of sitting down and spying his computer 
resting on his table top, he had the fleeting thought of accessing the 
games himself.  He blinked hard this time to clear his mind and rid the 
inside of his eyelids of the brightly colored shapes.  "Are you that 
bored?"

	"Time flies when your mind goes blank."

	Oh, but the price one paid.  "You can't be that desperate to get 
out of here."

	"I don't do 'desperate', Yuy.  'Eager' will do.  Can't wait to 
get out of here."

	"Hn."  A slight smile curved his lips, unseen by his roommate's 
eyes.  Heero could be classified as 'eager' as well, if one tilted one's 
imagination sideways a little.  But it was tinged with a little bit of 
something else, too.  "Out of here, yes... but to where, I wonder."

	Caught in a moment between levels, Duo spared a glance for him.  
Heero rarely showed any signs of doubt or uncertainty.  Sometimes he 
feared that Heero had it all figured out already, and that he was the 
only one falling behind.  "Still nothing, eh?"

	"Still working on it," Heero corrected.  That sounded more 
positive.

	"They haven't really brought it up lately.  Kinda worries me.  
Have they finally wised up?  Or have they just given up?"

	"Maybe you've given them enough other things to ask about 
lately."

	Man, that was all their fault.  If they wanted to be idiots and 
go off on meaningless tangents, that was their problem.  "Not like I 
want them to ask.  Then I'd have to tell them I want to make mindless 
video games that will one day save the world, and then I'd be in 
trouble.  Dammit!  They hid an egg bomb behind a chicken leg.  Dirty 
trick."  Having his spacecraft stripped of its upgrades annoyed him, so 
he closed the game and leaned back sulkily in his seat.

	"What's the real answer?" Heero asked after a minute.  "What do 
you want to do, then?"

	Duo looked at him out of the corner of his eye, then went back 
to staring at his cleared computer desktop, tracing the elegant lines in 
the mobile suit schematic he had set up as his background.  It was funny 
that life used to be simpler.  Now nothing was happening, and life had 
gotten a whole lot more complicated.  "Sometimes... I think it'd be easy 
to just... go back to the way things were before.  Well, guess I don't 
really want there to be another war... not interested in another 
rebellion.  Before the war picked me up, then, maybe?"

	Heero laughed softly, like it was a laugh to himself and Duo 
just happened to be around to hear it.  "'Well, Heero, have you given 
any thought to what you want to do after graduation?'  'Yes, I was 
thinking about going back to killing people for money.'"  He laughed 
again, more loudly this time.  Perhaps it was a sound to be shared with 
someone not far from him.  "I think I like your answer better."

	Duo blinked at him.  Heero's sense of humor was an odd thing, 
ranging from ironic to morbid to incisive.  At least this time, it was 
obviously intended to be humor.  He recovered with a thoughtful 
question.  "Could you still do it?  I mean, not do you want to.  Like, 
if it was the only choice, could you go back to doing it?"

	A pointless hypothetical, perhaps, but still one that intrigued 
him.  "...I'm... No, actually, I don't think I could.  Moral issues 
aside, I never did it on my own.  If I did, I'd have to create a whole 
new style.  Our old way of working would never work for me."

	"What if you had a partner?"

	"Depends.  Odin knew how to work people in a way that I 
certainly don't."  He paused for Duo's dry snort.  "And if I did have a 
new partner, we'd have to work out a new dynamic.  I don't think I can 
pass for the cute and innocent kid anymore."  The snort this time was a 
full out choked laugh.  "Trust me, you don't have to be anything near 
cute and innocent to pass for it.  You just need to be short.  Keep your 
mouth shut.  And a stuffed animal helps, too."

	"You carried a stuffed animal?"  Duo worked hard to keep the 
incredulity from leaking into his words.

	"I had a..."  He aborted that thought for one less personal.  
"It was this dog.  It had a big nose and floppy ears.  Picked it up at a 
port somewhere."

	"Did you carry it around with you all the time, or just on 
missions?"

	"I... I carried things inside it.  It's pretty easy to get one 
of those around security check points."  He paused for a pang of 
unexpected nostalgia.  He hadn't thought about that dog for years.  
They'd left it behind on a mission, once, needing it to disguise some 
explosives to get them out of a dicey situation.  "Why?  You 
volunteering to be the dog?"

	Duo observed the forms and cast him a withering glare, wondering 
if perhaps he had hit a nerve.  A change of subject as concession seemed 
to be in order.  Especially when Heero was treading close to one of his 
own nerves.  "...Moral issues aside, you said."

	He had mentioned it as if it was nothing to him, as if they were 
a few trifling details to be fussed over in one's leisure.  Perhaps they 
were.  And since he was thinking about the future, he wondered if that 
was just how it would always be for him.  "I don't think I could kill 
someone in good conscience just because someone else wants that person 
dead.  The world's just too big for that to be a valid reason for 
anything.  Odin understood that.  He never chose our jobs 
indiscriminately.  But I suppose that, if I were to get into that 
business, I wouldn't have that luxury, not for a while."

	"I've never thought of hitmen living 'luxurious' lifestyles."

	Heero drummed his fingers decisively against the surface of his 
desk.  "I think we've been having a continuing misunderstanding about 
just what sort of business we were involved in, and I'd like to clear 
that up.  There's a big difference between a 'hitman', by which I do 
believe you're thinking about a hired thug or maybe the cleaner of a 
gang boss, and a real professional."

	"Ooh, touchy, aren't we?  Killing for money is killing for 
money."

	"How would you like me to call you an Aries pilot, then, hm?  A 
mech is a mech, after all."

	He sat up in his seat.  "Hey!  That's not just an insult to me, 
that's an insult to 'Scythe, too, and I don't have to take that!"

	"Then perhaps you'd like to learn the differences between an 
amateur and a professional?"

	With a mild scowl, Duo leaned back and made a non-committal 
noise that implied an interest in hearing this explanation.  This wasn't 
the first time that the distinction had been made.  It was unusual to 
find something Yuy felt strongly about.  Something that didn't have to 
do with world peace, anyway.

	Heero obliged.  The communication gap between them was 
inefficient.  "We were... 'professionals'.  It wasn't just a day job or 
a side job.  We did this for a living, and we were good at it.  That 
means we had certain standards, about what jobs we took, or how well we 
performed."

	Duo remained wary, not yet convinced that this wasn't all just 
sophistry and self-delusion despite clearly understanding the difference 
between an Aries and a Gundam.  'Scythe, in particular.  "...I may have 
known of some ... 'businesses' around that may have done something 
similar," he admitted.  "But they all boiled down to the same thing in 
the end: people you shouldn't get mixed up with."

	Well, that was true for the professionals, too, unfortunately, 
except for one obvious fact.  "If they were really professionals, you 
wouldn't have known about them.  Knowledge of their existence in 
general, perhaps, but not as individuals."

	"Oooh," he responded with a hint of disdain, wiggling the 
fingers of one hand to imply creepiness.  "Super secret shadow 
societies."

	While displeased with the mockery, Heero felt Duo had earned at 
least an eyeroll for the alliteration.  "No more than we pilots were a 
'super secret shadow society'.  It's only because it's impossible to 
sneak around and do your job when everyone knows your face.  And if it's 
your job to make a murder look like an accident, then obviously you 
don't want to leave any clues behind as to your interference."

	"How does that work at all?  How do you build a reputation if no 
one is allowed to know what you did?"

	It hadn't been Heero's job to worry about reputation.  It wasn't 
even Odin's, really.  His old mentor had advised simply doing a good 
job, to the best of one's abilities, and the rest would follow 
naturally.  "Word of mouth, maybe.  Certainly the people that hired us 
knew who was behind the various jobs they contracted."

	"That could get kind of annoying after a while, I'd think.  
Doing all this stuff but no one ever knowing it but you."

	"But I'm all that matters, aren't I?"  He paused for a moment to 
consider his words.  "In a way that doesn't sound so supremely arrogant, 
anyway.  I'm the one that needs to try and sleep every night with the 
decisions I've made.  I'm the one that'll be reincarnated as a 
cockroach, if it comes to that.  Does it bother you?  Would you even 
want the world to know that you were a Gundam pilot?"

	"The world?  Hell no.  Get that nasty little world away from me.  
But, you know... seems like it should count for -something-, don't you 
think?"

	"Maybe you won't get reincarnated as a cockroach."

	"Yay.  You have the patience of a rock."  Along with some other 
of their more charming qualities.  "Me, not so much.  What about 
something a little more instant-gratification?"

	Heero studied him critically, weighing what he did know.  "You 
don't want fame.  You're offended by fortune.  Just what is it you do 
want?"

	Well, that was the ten bajillion dollar question, now wasn't it?  
He was 'still working on it', too.  "I don't know," he shrugged 
irritably.  At least it wasn't completely annoying since he knew Heero 
hadn't figured it out either.  It was a little surprising, though.  The 
guy was typically full of all sorts of sage, zen advice.  Hmm.  Some of 
that even came in handy, sometimes.  "What if everyone would just mind 
their own damn business?  Then I can go back to minding my own business 
-- no more of this having to save the world crap -- and life would be 
simple again."

	That was an oversimplification of a complex matter, Heero 
thought.  Simplicity was good, but not at the expense of the details.  
"But what business would it be?"

	It was Duo's first instinct to start with Heero -- that is, that 
Heero should be made to mind his own damn business.  His second instinct 
shouted from the stands that it was his own business, and he'd do as he 
pleased with it, thank you very much.  And then, it was no longer 
instinct, but maybe a light bulb, no, like an LED light or something, 
one of those new energy saving things that wouldn't have to be changed 
for twenty or thirty years.  On a dimmer switch, just clicked into the 
'on' state, but not yet turned up to its full potential.  Because it was 
dark before, you know.  Turning on lights didn't make much sense in 
rooms that were already lit, but then you had to worry about things like 
blinding yourself.

	Duo suppressed a smile.  It wasn't unlike the LED.  "It's 
whatever business I want it to be.  Because it's so not anyone's 
business but mine.  And if I want to go, I dunno, make video games, I'm 
going to do that, and I'm not going to have to get in trouble with 
anyone.  And then if I decide I don't want to do that anymore, maybe 
I'll go off and... write children's books.  Something fluffy and 
wholesome and good.  And then that probably won't work out, so maybe I'd 
go and work retail or something.  And then I'd probably quit before I 
killed my boss and find something else to do.  Because it's my business, 
and if I make good use of it, or if I waste it, that's my business, 
too."

	"If at first you don't succeed..."

	"Hey, you've said it yourself, man.  Nothing's 'perfect'.  Maybe 
we spend all this time asking ourselves this question, and...."  He 
snapped his fingers.  "Yanno, here's one for you, this time.  Nothing's 
perfect, sure, but sure as hell nothing's forever, either.  The two sort 
of go hand in hand, if you ask me."

	"Hm," Heero answered amiably, coupling it with a thoughtful nod.  
"Maybe.  I had thought that there was comfort to be found in permanence.  
But perhaps there is something to be said for impermanence as well."

	"Yup."  He kept it from sounding too smug.  "'Cuz no matter how 
bad we screw things up for ourselves, you know, it can't be that bad.  
'Cuz we're gonna be dead, and that'll be the end of that, and everyone 
else will eventually forget we ever happened."

	A gloomy thought that was oddly positive.  "In light of that... 
do you still think we're entitled to something for what we did?"

	Damn.  That derailed him for a moment.  He stalled for time, 
knowing Heero wouldn't throw the ball back into his court immediately.  
"Do you?"

	"I don't believe we're 'entitled' to anything in this life.  If 
you want something, you earn it.  If you still don't get it, and you 
want it, then you do something to get it.  When people that think 
they're entitled to something don't get that something, all they do is 
sit around and complain about it.  I don't think highly of that."

	Neither did Duo.  "Guess I don't think we're entitled to 
something, then.  But I think we earned something.  And I want that 
something.  And if someone or something comes along that tries to keep 
me from having it, I'm not going to sit around and complain about it.  
I'm going to hunt that bitch down, squish it, and then squish its whole 
family line back seven generations."

	Hm.  The conversation had just taken an interesting turn.  "That 
what got you into the war in the first place?"

	Duo gave him a steady look.  "Your spiel get -you- into the 
war?"

	"Hn."



_________________________________________
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The basis for this fic, i.e. Gundam Wing, 
Kyuuketsuki Miyu, et al., is the property 
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tacted at jchew at myrealbox.com.  This 
has been an entirely automated message.
http://www.cs.hmc.edu/~jchew/misc/gw.html

last modified : 2/5/2006 01:12:54 PST