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           Idiots
~ A Moment in a Dorm Room ~
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	Duo yawned as he dropped his bag to the floor next to his desk.  
Perhaps it was the shrinks' intention to make their days so mind-numbing 
that they would have nothing better to do than think about the future.

	"Message for you," Heero told his roommate from his seat on his 
bed, gesturing at the slip of paper he had left on Duo's desk.  "Someone 
slid it under the door."

	Duo examined it before picking it up.  Regular notebook paper, 
torn less than neatly despite the convenient perforations provided by 
the notebook's manufacturer.  Sloppy.  The writing itself was neat, if 
round and happy.  And girly.  Hearts dotted the 'i's.  He noticed that 
before he even read the contents, and shook his head.  Scanning the rest 
of the message confirmed for him what he had thought the note to be.  He 
snorted, and tossed the scrap of paper into the wastebasket.

	If it had been the beginning of their incarceration at this 
school, maybe he would have replied in a more positive manner, but he 
had no patience for such things now.  It saddened him, in a way.  He'd 
started with an interest in exploring this strange thing known as 'being 
a teenager', only to find it jading even to an already cynical mind.  
The disdain he felt for his so-called 'peers' was spreading even to his 
perception of the 'adults'.  He saw now that those petty men and women 
that would lead the world to ruin had never grown and matured, but 
simply shifted their sorry, teenaged selves into a new, flabbier and 
grayer, arena.  This boded ill for his future prospects.  Now that he 
was being grumpy at pretty much everybody, that didn't leave him with 
very many choices for friends, let alone someone... 'special'.

	He dutifully pulled a textbook out of his bag, with no 
intentions of actually using it any time soon.  "Ever think about girls, 
Heero?"

	Heero finished drawing a neat box around the answer to his last 
physics problem before looking up.  "No."

	As if he had expected the answer to be anything else.  He 
suspected he knew the answer to his next question as well, but he asked 
it anyway, just to be thorough.  "Ever think about boys?"

	"No."  Heero inserted his homework into the proper folder and 
set it aside for his assigned literature reading.  He waited before 
beginning the chapter, expecting there to be a follow-up question or 
two, but none came.  Deciding to have the matter settled before he had 
to be interrupted mid-paragraph, he provided a prompt.  "Why do you 
ask?"

	Duo thought to shrug it off, but he noted the bright green flyer 
he had folded up to use as a bookmark sticking out of his text.  He 
pulled it out, gave it a cursory glance, then tossed it into the 
wastebasket as well.  "This dance thing.  Whole school's buzzing about 
it.  It's a *dance*, for chrissake.  How utterly lame.  Like I would 
dress up in some fancy duds and dance.  Who the hell goes to these 
things?  You and me, bud, we'll play it cool and stay in like normal 
people."

	"I've been to a dance," Heero volunteered.

	"You wha--?"  Duo stared at him, faintly aghast.

	"At Relena's school."

	"Oh.  Doesn't count."  What a relief.  This wasn't the first 
dance that the school had hosted while they were there.  He was pretty 
sure Heero hadn't gone to the last one, but he didn't remember with 
absolute certainty.  It would be a bit disturbing if Yuy had snuck out 
to attend a party.  "Wait, does that mean you danced?"

	"A little."

	"You dance?"

	"A little."

	"Trippy."

	"It was just a simple box step."  Basic ballroom dancing was 
formulaic enough to be well within his realm of capability.  Though he 
also had no intentions of attending this party, he was confident in his 
ability to perform.  The academy's students were well off enough that 
the dance would be formal.  It was the uninhibited gyrating that passed 
for casual dance that would foul him up.  "I'm sure you could pick it up 
after a little observation."

	"You just used the term 'box step'.  Trippy-plus."

	Heero would take his word for it, and appeared to accept that as 
the end of the conversation.  Duo had finally resigned himself to 
zipping through his problem sets when Heero spoke again.  "You ever 
think about... mothers?"

	"Mothers?"  Failing an answer that he was comfortable with, he 
did a little sidestep.  "That's kinda sick, man, considering I was just 
asking about girls.  And boys."

	It took Heero a few seconds to make the oedipal leap.  A wrinkle 
formed between his brows.  "That's not what I meant."

	"Then why are you asking?"

	"The subject came up today.  In a way."

	At least Duo had the excuse of being exposed to various sheets 
of paper that had brought the subject of boys and girls to mind.  He 
hadn't done the assigned reading yet, but he didn't think any mothers 
were involved.  "Having to do with a dance?" he ventured, seeking that 
missing link.

	"Yes."  Heero's attention wandered off briefly before he 
explained himself.  "Rick was being Rick."

	Duo could imagine.  He'd figured out that it was probably best 
to stay out of the thug's way this time of year.  Too much testosterone 
was released into the air as the males jockeyed for the best positions 
around the females.  "Guy's gotta find a better hobby."

	The would-be bully seemed limited enough in his interests that 
Heero couldn't imagine what it could be.  "He said several things that 
baffled me."

	"Heh, I'll bet."

	"I understand the part about having to bring my mother as a date 
to the dance."

	Duo snorted.  "Oh, real original.  Wonder what he'd think if he 
knew you'd gone to a dance with Relena Peacecraft before."

	"She was a Darlian back then," Heero answered absently.  And it 
wasn't quite accurate to say that he'd 'gone to the dance with Relena', 
but he didn't bother correcting him.  That whole night had been 
'complicated', to say the least.  He frowned just thinking about it, so 
he decided to move on.  "Later... he was in my way.  I needed to get by 
him, but he was busy insulting one of our classmates.  Also regarding 
the dance.  I told him he was a fool and asked him to get out of my 
way."

	He was interrupted with a wry chuckle.  "You ask a favor of a 
guy, Yuy, and you're probably not supposed to call him names, first."

	Heero shrugged slightly.  It was difficult to remember to 
address Rick by name.  But then came the baffling part.  "In response, 
he said..."  He paused, as if doubting he had heard the words correctly.  
"'That's not what your mom said last night.'"  The wrinkle in his brow 
deepened.  "What does that mean?"

	Duo stared at him with a straight face.  Then his expression 
cracked a little and he had to press his lips together.  Then he 
twitched, and at last he released a mighty guffaw.

	Heero raised an eyebrow at him.

	He waved his hand in the air dismissively and squeezed some 
words out between the sounds of his amusement.  "Don't worry, man, I'm 
not laughing because he made a good joke or something.  It's stupid, is 
what it is.  I'm just laughing at you, because of that confused look on 
your face."

	"Oh.  That's better."  Sadly, it was.  Better that Duo exercise 
his usual sense of humor, rather than fall to the level of that cretin.

	"You amuse me, Yuy."

	"That's nice."  Duo amused him, too, so it was a neatly 
reciprocal relationship they had going here.  "Do you know what that was 
supposed to mean?"

	Duo considered being dishonest with the answer, but decided that 
it would be even more amusing to come out with the right one.  "Did his 
cronies do their stupid high-five routine?"

	"Yes."

	"Idiots."  He took a moment to do the obligatory eyeroll and 
shake of the head.  It seemed inadequate to express his completely 
unimpressed attitude toward the lot, but something needed to be done.  
"Anyway.  He means he was doing your mom last night."

	Heero blinked at him.  "Excuse me?"

	"You know, like your mom's a whore or something."

	That made only slightly more sense than the previous bit.  "Or 
she has very poor taste?"

	Amusing, indeed.  "Yeah.  But she was satisfied by that caveman, 
which is the key part."

	Heero didn't think anyone had ever insulted his mother before.  
Huzzah for the new experiences.  Maybe it was something he could feed 
the shrinks at their next session.  That could be interesting.  "That's 
an insult these days?" he asked doubtfully, just to be sure.

	"Calling your momma a whore?  Or at least a slut or something?  
Yeah, sure, same as it's always been.  Unless you don't care about your 
momma.  Or in my case, unless it's probably true.  Well, not that she'd 
be willing to spread 'em for that moron, 'cuz yeah, I didn't know her, 
but I hope she had better sense in her than that."

	He didn't know his mother, either, but he had to hope the same 
thing as well.  "So this is an insult to my mother, which is an insult 
to me..."  That much he understood, though the sudden reference to his 
mother had thrown him off a bit.  "But it's just as much an insult to 
him, isn't it?  That he's the sort of person that would go around 
'doing' someone's mother."

	Duo found Heero's odd sense of morality as humorous, and somehow 
fascinating, as the rest of it.  If there was something that puzzled 
Duo, it was how the guy had managed to kick so much ass during the war 
while doing things like saving princesses and defending their honor.  
"Nah, 'cuz then he's hot enough that even your mother would go for him.  
Guys dig that studly sort of stuff.  Getting laid an' all.  It's like 
the ultimate goal of any guy's life, so if he did manage to score with 
your mom, that'd be another point on his studliness scale."

	Heero was glad he didn't qualify as 'any guy'.  "Do you qualify 
as 'any guy'?"

	It took a moment for that to compute.  "Eww, no.  Fuck, what do 
you take me for?"

	"'Any' is a fairly all-inclusive word."

	"Okay, so you have a point, but you should be smart enough to 
figure out when I'm talking about 'in general', with exceptions and 
stuff.  Sheesh.  Do I look like I think with my dick?  Would I be 
tossing love notes and party invites if I did?"

	Heero wasn't the brightest crayon in the box when it came to 
reading people some times, but his ability to read antagonism was 
strongly developed.  "I'm sorry, did I just call you a slut?"

	"More importantly, you just classed me in with that shitface 
Rick.  Them's fightin' words."

	"I apologize," he said sincerely.  "That was not my intention.  
You just... seem to understand this... 'cultural phenomenon'?  Rather 
well."

	The explanation was only slightly mollifying, but it served well 
enough to soothe Duo's raised hackles.  He had to remember that this was 
Heero, a guy who often said things that didn't sound very complimentary.  
At the same time, though, he was well aware of the fact that this was 
Heero.  An idiot accusing him of slut-hood was nothing, but coming from 
Heero, it mutated into something else entirely.  "I've known a lot of 
idiots in my life, Yuy.  And yeah, idiocy can be infectious, but lucky 
for me, I have a good immune system."

	"I'm sorry.  I haven't."

	"Yeah, well, good for you," he said sourly.  There were far 
better things to be than an expert in idiot-kind.  "Kind of makes it 
funny, though, since it's impossible to insult you sometimes.  Just goes 
over your head."

	"I think you just classed me with Rick.  Most of my insults 
would probably go over his head, too."

	His expression twisted into something less grumpy and more dry.  
"Sorry.  Hard not to go over the head of something so lowbrow, though.  
Man, does it ever piss you off?  I mean, we fought and killed and bled 
so that idiots like him can make 'your mom' jokes?"

	Heero shrugged.  "You can't pick whom you save.  You just have 
to save them all and let their god sort them out."

	Duo stared at him.  Blinked hard a few times.  And then 
collapsed into something between a chortle and a helpless giggle.  He 
managed to stop a couple of times, but half an hour later, he was still 
erupting with the occasional short burst of laughter.



_________________________________________
This piece of fiction is the intellectual 
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The basis for this fic, i.e. Gundam Wing, 
Kyuuketsuki Miyu, et al., is the property 
of someone else.  The author can be con-
tacted at jchew at myrealbox.com.  This 
has been an entirely automated message.
http://www.cs.hmc.edu/~jchew/misc/gw.html

last modified : 10/14/2007 02:02:36 PST