---------------------
 de natura amicitiae
~ A Moment of Haven ~
---------------------
	"Hey, Heero, you think you could--?"  The cable in front of 
Vinnie's nose jiggled before he had the opportunity to finish his 
request, and he grabbed it, plugging it into the surge protector.  
"Thanks," he called, before crawling his way out from beneath the table 
and dusting off his pants.

	"Done?" Heero asked, finger poised over the power button.

	"What?  Oh, yeah.  Let's see if this baby works."  Heero flipped 
the switch and watched as the computer powered up without trouble.  "I 
really need to vacuum under that table.  And inside that computer.  
Heck, I need to vacuum, period."

	Heero merely grunted an acknowledgement as he went through the 
new hardware setup.  He frowned a bit, waiting for the computer to catch 
up with his actions, then had to wait some more for the system to stop 
processing before he okayed the restart and sat back to wait some more.

	"Yeah, I always thought all that restarting stuff was lame," 
Vinnie continued.  "I mean, as a programmer, I understand it, understand 
its necessity.  But you'd think that someone would have found a way to 
get around all that by now, you know?  I guess I shouldn't be talking 
since I don't have any ideas about that, but then again, there's a 
reason that I'm not an OS programmer, right?  But you think about it, 
how many of the OS services do they really need to load up at the 
startup?  It's all because of those ridiculous--"  He stopped himself 
and chuckled.  "You really shouldn't let me get started like that."

	"Hn.  Used to it," Heero answered, only listening to the words 
with half an ear.  He had gotten quite skilled at picking up on when he 
was supposed to respond to something.

	"What?  I don't spend nearly enough time with you babbling for 
you to have gotten used to me yet."

	"Duo."  The one word answer was enough.

	"Duo?  He's just kinda chatty, isn't he?  Certainly not a great 
monologue-er like myself."

	"He's more quiet these days."

	"These days, huh?  Say, how long did you guys know each other 
before moving in together anyway?"

	Heero shrugged.  Sometimes it seemed amazing, the number of 
people that couldn't stand silence.  "We've known each other for about 
two and half years now."

	"And you moved here, what, year and a half ago?  So just about a 
year, huh?  Not too shabby.  That's good, not rushing into things...."  
Heero selected a single option with a keystroke and tabbed over to the 
restart button again.  "Hey, you want to use the mouse?  I'm sorry, I 
shoved it over to the side earlier...."

	"No," Heero replied evenly, watching as the other man started 
blowing on the mouse ball in an attempt to clean it off.  "Thank you.  
Keyboard is fine."

	"Comes from working with laptops, eh?  Great."  Vinnie dropped 
the mouse back where it was before.  "It was dirty anyway.  And thanks 
again for bringing over the spare parts.  So how'd you guys meet?"

	There was a brief moment of silence that went unnoticed by 
Vinnie, during which Heero reminded himself the man was just making 
polite conversation, and he ought to participate.  There was yet 
another, briefer moment during which he decided to neatly fudge his 
answer.  He was pretty sure Vinnie knew nothing about their involvement 
in the war, and he probably didn't need to know.  "We were roommates in 
school, before coming out here."

	"Roommates, huh?  Convenient, that must have been.  Never had to 
go looking for the other guy, right?  Gave you plenty of opportunity to 
get to know him, I'm sure.  Must have been like having moved in with 
each other, but not, right?  Kinda like a test run.  You know, if more 
people did that -- actually thought about what they were getting into 
before getting into it...?  Personally, I never got along with my 
roommates really well.  Well, more like, we were never really friends, 
we just lived together, you know?  No bad blood between us or anything.  
And I never kept up with them after we parted ways.  But then again, I 
was never... well, you know.  Like you and Duo."  Heero raised an 
eyebrow at him.  "Not that there's anything wrong with that or anything.  
I just mean to say, well... you know, like it's probably pretty special.  
You guys are in close.  I wish I had someone like that.  Which kinda 
reminds me, there's a computer fair coming up in a couple of weeks.  You 
interested in going?  You can bring Duo along, of course."

	"We'll be out of town, then."

	"Oh, that's too bad.  I know Duo's more into the hardware scene 
than you are.  Which I think is really cute, that he's hardware, and 
you're software.  Complementary, that's probably the word I'm looking 
for.  In a lot of things, too....  It seems like you guys are always out 
of town together.  You going on some neat vacation this time?  Like, 
African safari?  Getaway in the Mediterranean?  Or maybe just visiting 
the parents or something?"

	Heero reminded himself again that this was just polite 
conversation, nothing at all to be offended by, or defensive about.  He 
was being inquisitive, not intrusively nosy.  Nevertheless, he didn't 
need to know that they would be escorting and bodyguarding Relena on her 
colony tour.  It was hardly top secret, and they would probably be 
caught on some television report at least once, but still.  Heero had 
hardly made it a habit to be forthcoming, and he wasn't about to start.  
"Colonies."

	"Oh, that's right.  I just forget they're there, sometimes.  
Both of you guys are from the colonies, right?"  Heero answered with 
curt nod of his head.  "Just looking at you two, I wouldn't think you 
guys were at all alike, but you probably have quite a few things in 
common, eh?  Well, maybe that's where the complementary-ness comes in, 
which is fine, because then you don't have to be alike at all to mesh.  
You two get along so marvelously.  It must be great to have someone to 
go places with, someone to talk to about whatever, someone to just chill 
with.  You know."

	Heero hmpfed in his own little Heero way, remembering a little 
something that Duo once said, and repeating it now.  "That's what 
friends are for."

	"Yeah, totally.  But it must be even greater for you guys.  I 
mean, you're more than 'just friends', right?"

	Heero considered the question.  It sounded like the man was 
putting more emphasis on the question than he would have put on it 
himself, so maybe there was something important here he was missing.  
Nevertheless, the best answer would probably be a straight shot of the 
simple truth, so he thought about it and produced his answer.  "Yeah.  I 
suppose so."

                              ************

// on the way home, inside heero's head...

	'Just friends'... Upon consideration, I'd have to say yes, we 
are more than just friends.  Setting aside the obvious things of being 
roommates, comrades, partners, etc.  Or maybe because of all that.

	If I had to come up with a list of 'just friends', on that list 
would probably be people like Vinnie, Jack Callahan, Father MacKenzie, 
maybe some of the kids, like Brian.  People I get along with just fine 
and can hold decent conversations with, but maybe I don't see them very 
often.  They're people with whom I don't have to discuss much of 
anything really.  Just a single, small and safe topic where their lives 
overlap my own.  Actually, maybe these people are just passingly good 
acquaintances.  I think people misapply and overuse the term 'friend' a 
lot.  A 'friend' isn't just someone I know and get along with.  It's not 
even someone I may be friendly towards.

	I don't relate to these people in any special way.  In fact, 
they're people I still have to watch my words with, people that can 
still catch me offguard and unprepared with their utter normalcy.  Any 
relationship with that sort of inconvenience should never be classified 
as 'friendship'.  There's a certain tension that must accompany each 
word if I don't want to risk offending them or alienating them, and I 
wonder how Relena must be able to do it, day in and day out with all of 
her politicians.

	I guess with Father MacKenzie and the kids, it's a little 
different.  Father MacKenzie is a priest, after all.  He offers to help 
because he wants to.  He's listened to people confess sad and horrible 
things, so it's hard to surprise him.  He's trained not to judge people, 
and to frown upon lying, and to give thoughtful counsel, and that, along 
with his sincerity, is wonderfully refreshing at times.  The kids are 
still young enough to be sincere, too.  Sure, they say 'thank you' 
because their mothers trained them to, but they never invite other kids 
over to play unless they really want them to come over and play.

	Above these people, I would probably put relationships like 
those I have with Sally, Noin, even Zechs, or Milliard, or whatever the 
hell he's going by these days.  Duo would know.  I think they're 
probably friends.  These people know things about me that other people 
don't.  It makes it easier to talk to them, and to be accepted by them.  
We are all survivors.  These people, I can relate to.  Some things don't 
need explanation.  Other things don't need justification.  We all know 
who we are and what we've done.  It's very straightforward, just the way 
I like it.

	On the other hand, I could list these same qualities of my 
enemies, and in fact, some of these people were my enemies.  But is that 
so surprising?  It helps you survive if you know and understand your 
enemy.  If you're good, and you've known your enemy for a while, a 
certain intimacy is inevitable, even if you'd never invite them over for 
dinner.  I respect them, but I am not close to them, and rarely spend 
extended periods of time in their company.

	Suzuhara-san and Ami are a step above them.  They are almost 
called friends unreservedly.  Of course, I still need to watch my words 
around them, to a certain extent.  Sensitivity may have no place on a 
battlefield, but it certainly has a place at the dinner table with your 
civilian neighbor and her eight-year-old daughter.  But to consider our 
relationship in a different light, I probably censor my words and deeds 
for them no more than I would if they were truly my mother and little 
sister, for they have come to fill those roles in our lives.  If I had a 
mother, I wouldn't want to tell her all the grisly details of my life 
and work, for her peace of mind, if nothing else.  If I were merely a 
security consultant, as I represent myself to the community at large, 
then perhaps things would be different.  But I'm not, and there's no 
changing that.  In fact, I wouldn't change that if I could.

	And Ami, of course, is just a young girl, and of course we don't 
want her having to grow up before her time.  She's mature enough 
already, having never had a father in her life.  I think Duo relishes 
the older brother position he has adopted with her, just as much as he 
loves the fact that Suzuhara-san mothers us.  He did say, after all, 
that he had always wanted to be someone's child, to belong to someone, 
and to be taken care of like that.  Suzuhara-san has done him a world of 
good in that department.

	A level above them would have to be our fellow ex-pilots -- 
Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei.  There is a level of camaraderie there that is 
almost mystical and inexplicable to the outside observer.  We understand 
each other as no one else ever could, perhaps, and it is more than what 
we share with Sally and Noin and Zechs.  It was 'us versus the world' 
for a while, and that united us.  Our shared experiences, and the 
similar qualities in us all that brought us through those experiences, 
form a tight bond.  We do keep in touch -- Quatre sees to that most 
vigorously -- but even if we didn't, we would all still share this 
rapport.  I like them, which is not a common thing.  Rarer still, I 
respect them.  And most unusual of all, I trust them.

	Relena would have to be somewhere on the same level with them, 
but in a different class.  She, too, labored through the war.  It shaped 
her and molded her, and if she did not share many of those same 
qualities with the rest of us -- the drive, the passion, the 
determination -- then she would not be what and where she is today.  No 
matter that these traits have taken her in a radically different 
direction.

	She's also something else entirely.  She's the one to whom we 
have, for the most part, and in some sense, left our legacy, to do with 
as we trust her to see fit.  Duo would say she is also a little sister.  
It is our job to support and encourage her efforts, yet also to give her 
a good kick in the shins once in a while to remind her of her place, and 
to scowl at anyone who even looks at her funny.

	Duo is, of course, one of the ex-pilots.  I share that bond with 
him as well, and yet my relationship with him would have to be 
classified even above that which I share with the others.  It could be 
because I live with him and work with him.  I've been in a position to 
know him for about two years now.  There is, admittedly, a lot more to 
him than I originally thought there would be.  When we first ended up 
being roommates in school, I was ready to write him off as irrelevant, 
insignificant.  I thought I would just occupy the same room as he for a 
semester, and that would be the end.  As time passed, however, something 
quite remarkable occurred.  We bonded.

	It was probably a result of the situation.  We were together for 
a majority of each day, after all, in a closed environment where the 
five of us kept mostly to ourselves, although not unhealthily so.  How 
could I not notice it when he would just sweep into the room, drop his 
bag, and collapse into his bed, staring at the ceiling?  How could I not 
have noticed how he retreated into himself once he had locked the 
outside world away?  How his shoulders drooped and his expression lost 
some of its vitality, even as he chatted away amiably enough?  I think 
he often forgot I was in the room, and I got to see glimpses of him that 
he never intended for me to see.

	But intended or not, how could I see some of these things, and 
not think, I know how you feel?  I saw these things, and I pondered 
them, and I related and connected and inferred and extrapolated, and 
gradually I found there were things there that I could admire and 
respect and appreciate.

	Most of the time, I left him to his own devices and attended to 
my own.  But of course, with the proximity we kept, there were points at 
which it would have been just foolish-seeming and contrived to ignore 
each other, and so we communicated, in a way, and somehow ended up as we 
are.  Not just therapeutic aids anymore, but... fixtures.  Comfortable, 
familiar pieces of each other.

	There's a lot to be said for knowing that I can turn around, and 
he'll be there.  For having someone to watch my back.  For having 
someone that can pick up the slack on those days I am weak and falter.  
For being able to get a reliable second, or even first, opinion any time 
I need one.  For not being second-guessed at every turn.

	Yes.  We are more than just friends.  Much more.

-----
muahaha!  my partial answer to 'when are they going to figure out 
they're more than just friends?'

and poor, poor vinnie.  so wrong, yet so right... =)

_________________________________________
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The basis for this fic, i.e. Gundam Wing, 
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http://www.cs.hmc.edu/~jchew/misc/gw.html

last modified : 8/23/2002 02:02:24 PST