---------------------
 TV on a Friday Night
~ A Moment of Haven ~
---------------------
	"Dinner and a movie?" Heero asked as he complacently allowed Duo 
to pull him towards the sofa in front of their TV.

	"Yup.  What better way to spend a Friday night?"  Dinner had 
just been finished, and he'd already inserted the disc into their 
vidplayer, so he went ahead and pushed Heero down on the couch, then 
settled in beside him.  "Although... you ever get the feeling we 
should... I dunno, go out or something?  I mean, just get out of the 
house?  And Suzuhara-san's doesn't count.  And neither does HQ.  And 
neither does the market or errand-running."

	Hn, he'd just eliminated all the easy answers, so Heero went 
ahead and responded with a question.  "Why?"

	It was always the simplest questions that were hardest to 
answer, and unfortunately, Heero had the habit of always asking them.  
"Because... erm... hmm.  That's a good question."

	Well, that was easy.  A little too easy, he thought, so he 
decided to help Duo out a little.  "Let's go over the list of social 
activities we might do outside of the house.  We don't really have very 
many friends in the area besides the Suzuharas -- friends that we'd want 
to visit anyway -- and you've already said that they don't count, so 
basically, we're not going to be hanging out with any friends.  The 
city's not that impressive, so we don't have any nearby museums or 
exhibits we might visit.  And even if there were, we couldn't do that 
too often."

	"And we've already hit the interesting ones with Ami, anyway," 
Duo pitched in.  "Although that was a while ago, I suppose.  So what 
else is there?  I suppose people go out and eat and watch movies and 
shows and stuff..."

	"Which we can do perfectly well at home."  They both didn't mind 
cooking -- were even a little fond of it -- and the cleanup afterwards 
wasn't a big deal either, so it didn't seem logical to go out and eat.  
It was more comfortable at home, anyway, away from all those strangers.  
And the sorts of movies and shows that were out didn't quite appeal to 
them, either.  By preference, though perhaps it would have been 
difficult to get them to admit it, they were somewhat attached to the 
educational-type shows, the nature shows and the history shows and the 
how-to shows that most people probably flipped right over.

	"What about... I dunno... bowling or something?  Dancing?  Ummm, 
shopping?  Sightseeing?  Going to a park?  Help me out here."

	Heero cocked his head at his companion.  "Are you interested in 
any of those things?"

	"Uh, not really."  A stroll through a park might have been a 
pleasant thing if they lived in an urban setting, but in the uncrowded 
suburbia where they made their home, they needed only to wander out to 
their backyard for a green vista.

	It was a response to which Heero did not even bother vocalizing 
a reply.  All that was required was a simple look that stated the 
obvious.

	Duo sighed, though not unhappily.  He felt like such a homebody 
sometimes, but truth was, he enjoyed the time he spent at home.  He 
liked having a home.  He liked spending time with Heero at home.  He 
liked that nothing was stopping him from doing so.  Life was calm and 
pleasant, not boring, especially not now, when they were reporting to HQ 
in the city three times a week for their data compilation and analysis, 
and working at home the other days.  "Wanna play some one-on-one 
tomorrow?"

	"Sounds good."  If nothing else, their competitive spirits were 
rarely dampened.  They probably wouldn't even like basketball all that 
much if they didn't have each other to test themselves against.  
Unfortunately, the vigor with which they played against each other made 
it difficult for them to play with others.  On the rare occasions they 
had been pulled into a team game, they restricted their ball handling 
and resorted instead to rebounding and assists.  Their self-limited 
performances went unnoticed by the others since they typically played 
all out against each other when no one was watching.  "But we should 
probably wait for sometime next week.  There will be fewer people around 
on a weeknight."

	"Oh yeah.  Well, next week, then."  He pulled away from Heero's 
side for a moment to snatch up the remote control from the low coffee 
table.  "Anyway, I picked this up from Suzuhara-san.  It didn't have 
much of a blurb on the case, but it looked cute."

	"What's it called?"

	"...I don't recall.  Let's find out."  He turned the TV on and 
started the disc.

	"Well, this will be fun," Heero observed dryly.

	Duo squirmed into a more comfortable position by his side, and 
made sure his elbow poked into Heero's gut as he did so.  "C'mon.  It's 
animated.  It's about tanuki, that much I remember.  Of course it'll be 
fun."  The title screen finally popped up, and Duo studied it.  "Hmmm, 
hei kanji kanji kanji sen Ponpoko."

	"You need to learn more kanji."  Granted, there was no reason 
for him to know the kanji for 'tanuki', or what era was referred to as 
'heisei'.  Of the whole phrase, the two kanji he had recognized were 
'war' and 'peace', which were much more relevant to their circumstances.

	"I definitely do not.  Shall I be adventurous and go without 
subtitles?"

	"Turn them on and try not to read them.  That way I won't have 
to translate anything for you."

	"Lazy," he retorted, but he did as suggested.

	"What fun is it to talk through the whole movie?"  Although 
ironically, with the subtitles on they had the ability to talk 
throughout the entire movie and not miss out on the dialogue.

	"Hey, what are you implying about how much I'll understand?"

	Heero took advantage of the movie's starting to hush him and 
avoid answering.  It started out with a happy song, after which two 
packs of reasonably realistic tanuki charged each other.  As the two 
opposing lines met, they lurched themselves upright and transformed into 
anthropomorphized creatures joining in battle, complete with various 
weapons and armor.

	"Hey," Duo said.  "Are tanuki actually raccoons, or are they 
just raccoon-like animals?  Because those don't actually look like 
raccoons."

	"Excusing the fact that they are standing upright?"

	Heero was lucky he had a good set of abdominal muscles to take 
the abuse from Duo's elbow.  "And do they actually exist in Japan these 
days?"

	"They're actually canines.  And I've no idea if they're still 
around," he answered, casually taking his right hand and resting it on 
Duo's arm.  With his other arm already around Duo's shoulder, the move 
seemingly completed a cozy half-embrace, while simultaneously giving him 
some control over the offending appendage.

	As the humorous battle scene progressed, Duo noticed something 
he considered a little out of the ordinary.  "Hey, Heero..."

	"Hm?"

	"You know, I guess I haven't watched many cartoons... with 
anthropomorphized creatures... and I guess you haven't either... but..."

	"What?"

	"It is normal for them to draw the male characters... umm, 
anatomically correctly?"  An old female tanuki made her way onscreen, 
wearing a red robe and chanting anti-war sentiments.  "See?  She's got 
breasts, or something like them, so it's not like they need, um, -that- 
to make sure we know they're guys."

	The slight movement that gently rippled its way from Heero's 
shoulders down to his belly was the only indication of his silent 
laughter.  "Now that you mention it... I believe there is something in 
the tanuki stories regarding their testicles, but I don't recall what, 
besides them being extraordinarily large.  I think they may have been 
good luck."

	"So... in Japan, you wouldn't say 'hung like a horse', you'd say 
'hung like a tanuki'?"

	"...I wouldn't know."

	"You know, how well hung is a horse, anyway?"  He'd never seen a 
horse, but he remembered Heero saying something about riding them 
before.  A part of him was intensely curious to find out just how 
equestrian would have fit into Heero's training.

	"...I wouldn't know.  I have never taken the time to study the 
external genitalia of a horse."

	"Because if you think about it --"

	"Can we please not think about it?"  His expression was a 
strange cross between pained and amused.  Duo smiled and let it drop 
with a peck on the cheek.

	Caricatures of bulldozers appeared, leveling the hills in which 
the tanuki lived to make way for new human housing projects.  With their 
territory being eaten away slowly by the metal monsters, they were 
brought to warring amongst themselves for what remained, and Duo had to 
reflect, "You know, it's kind of depressing to think that Earth would 
probably still be such a war-torn place even if the colonies had never 
been built."

	"It'd probably be worse," Heero contributed, not being any less 
depressing.  "There'd probably be more battles for land rather than for 
simple domination, and more casualties with less neutral ground and 
greater population density."

	"Woohoo.  Hey, look, they're forming a rebel terrorist cell."  
Indeed, the top tanuki had convened and decided to employ covert 
operations and guerilla tactics in an attempt to sabotage and shut down 
the humans' construction efforts.

	"We were better organized than that," Heero sniffed 
disdainfully, a disapproving frown settling upon his lips as he watched 
the rash tanuki declare war upon the humans, only to immediately adjourn 
and gorge themselves on human junk food.  "And more dedicated."

	"Heero, babe, they're tanuki.  I'd be a little bit frightened if 
they were as organized and dedicated as we were."

	Despite the tanuki's shamefully unprepared state, Heero and Duo 
were both rooting for them, Duo more vocally than his partner.  After 
the tanuki realized that their ultimate power lay in their long unused 
art of transformation, they both shared a few chuckles watching the 
intense training that the tanuki elders ran them through.  But it was 
the final stage of the transformation lectures, practices and tests that 
made Duo's eyes bug out.

	"Holy crap!  Did he just say what I think he just said?"

	"I think you read that subtitle correctly."

	"But... they were all standing on... it was large enough to fit, 
like, fifty of them!  And if you think about it, I mean, ouch!  Plus 
just a general 'ewww' to cover the rest of it."  Heero snorted, to which 
Duo sighed.  "Well, at least we know why all their testicles are drawn 
in.  Is that a part of the legend?"

	"If they were really as large as they were said to be, then it 
seems reasonable that they would be able to use them as mass in their 
transformations."

	"It's a Japanese legend, Heero.  I don't think conservation of 
mass has much to do with it.  But still... I guess you gotta give those 
guys credit.  I mean, I don't know that I'd have the balls -- heh, no 
pun intended -- to go transforming my privates into things.  Sure, along 
with the rest of me, but that old tanuki converted them and only them 
into that giant mat.  ...I think I might have said this before, but I 
think it bears mentioning again -- Japanese people can get awful weird."

	"Hm."  And oddly enough, Duo couldn't quite decide if that had 
been an amused snort or a sound of agreement.  He decided it was both.

	Together, they enjoyed the wide array of pranks upon the 
beleaguered humans, each discreetly keeping to himself how he might 
improve upon their designs, but when the rich human amusement park 
developer stepped forth and claimed responsibility for some of the 
tanuki wonders for his own profit, Duo was hissing curses at the screen, 
and even Heero was glaring small daggers at the man while running his 
fingers soothingly up and down Duo's arm.  It was a wrong that was never 
righted, and the most frightening thing about the base human behavior 
was that it didn't seem caricatured in any way.

	When the movie concluded, they were strangely subdued, despite 
the reveling tanuki and the cheerful background music.  "Why was that so 
depressing, Heero?" Duo asked.  "I mean, the tanuki found a way to 
survive in the human world, after all...."

	"But only by giving up who and what they were.  They lost their 
culture and their identity for the sake of their lives."

	"Yeah, that's what I thought.  Just making sure I wasn't the 
only one that found that totally depressing.  That's like... like the 
colonies surrendering to the Federation!  I hope this isn't their idea 
of a happy ending.  It would have been crushingly depressing if that 
humanized tanuki there at the end had been unable to rejoin his pack in 
the wild because he'd been so completely assimilated by the human world 
or something.  I was definitely hoping that that didn't happen, but that 
party going on right now still just seems out of place to me.  What 
reason do they have to be happy?  Well, I guess those tanuki have the 
right to party, since they're the ones that didn't sell out."

	"They're the ones that couldn't sell out," Heero pointed out.

	"Oh yeah.  And that was pretty depressing, too.  I mean, leaving 
behind everyone that couldn't save themselves.  A good rebel faction 
fights for the people, not for themselves."

	Heero made a quietly amused sound.  They both knew that the term 
'good' was completely subjective.  "Did you notice there was only one 
person mourning the sacrifice of that elder that died during the 
parade?"

	"Ungrateful animals," Duo muttered sourly.  Perhaps he was 
taking this a little bit too seriously, but he'd watched the first half 
of the movie rooting for the underdogs, encouraging them in their battle 
against the wretched, greedy, and ignorant humans.  He felt almost 
betrayed that they hadn't managed to win out in the end.  It wasn't 
simply that they'd fought the good fight and lost, but that they'd 
turned their backs on their way of life.  To be fair, he supposed he 
couldn't entirely blame them -- they were just doing what they had to to 
survive, after all.  But as a person that had managed to survive without 
having to dive into the dark depths of what so many people thought was 
necessary to survive, he couldn't help but be disappointed in them.  
"And the old guy that mourned him ending up cracking, too.  Did those 
tanuki realize that they were sailing away to their deaths on a ship 
made of an old guy's balls?"

	Heero suppressed an involuntary snicker.

	"Well, one thing's for sure," Duo continued.  "I will never look 
at testicles the same way again."

	The snicker-snort got out.  "I think you're thinking a little 
bit too hard about tanuki testicles, Duo."

	"Hey, I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from --"

	"Oh, look," Heero interrupted him mildly.  "Movie's over."  He 
picked up the remote and flipped quickly through the menu that had 
popped up after the credits had finished scrolling, just in case there 
were any interesting extras, but there weren't, so he shut off the 
player.

	The TV reverted to the regular network broadcast, and they found 
themselves at the end of a reality show.  "Hmm, which one's this?" Duo 
mused, more than willing to watch something frivolous to counterbalance 
the movie.  "Oh, I know, this has to be the one where the guy picks the 
girl, and then the girl chooses between the guy or the money."

	"Do they have to get married in the end?"  There were a few 
other reality shows like that, weren't there?  Heero just found himself 
confused by them.  He couldn't imagine the people that would willingly 
participate in such things, nor the demented people that would create 
such shows, nor even the people that would watch such shows.  What was 
it about man that made him enjoy watching others suffer?

	"No, I don't think so.  I think they just... agree to be 
together or something?"  Duo shrugged.  He'd never watched the show, 
only seen ads and the like for it.

	"The girl can only choose one or the other?"

	"Of course.  Where would the fun be otherwise?"

	"I'd choose the money," he declared quite decisively.

	Duo blinked a couple of times in shock, his mouth hanging ever 
so slightly agape.  Yes, Heero was practical, he knew that, but he also 
believed Heero to be a romantic, and he knew for a fact that Heero 
didn't care about material wealth, yet here he was having all his lovely 
illusions shattered.  This was just not his night.  "...What?  But what 
if you really loved the guy?"

	"Well, what's to stop her from choosing the money, and then 
meeting up with the guy after the show?  Unless they signed some sort of 
binding restraining order, I don't see how the show's producers can stop 
them from getting together later.  Unless the guy holds some sort of 
grudge against her, she should be able to... eat her cake and have it, 
too?  Of course, in that case, I would hope she'd share some of the 
money with the man."

	Well, at least there was a rational explanation for Heero's 
decision, but wasn't there always?  And he wasn't forsaking love 
completely, just... having his cake and eating it, too.  Perhaps it 
wasn't romantic, but Duo decided it was Heero, practical as ever, 
figuring out how to reap the most benefits in a given situation.  
Nothing wrong with that, right?  "Didn't figure you'd be one to try and 
cheat the system."

	"It's not about cheating," Heero corrected him primly.  "It's 
about exploiting their weaknesses, finding the loopholes, thinking 
outside the box."

	"Hacker," Duo muttered fondly under his breath.  His next 
thought was not so fond.  In fact, it was downright snippy.  "Hey, tell 
me why the hell you couldn't have gotten out of Wing and *then* 
detonated it."

	The short silence between them was filled with the TV bachelor's 
halting words of affection for the lady currently onscreen.  "...It was 
necessary to show OZ that we were serious about not surrendering the 
Gundams."

	"Yeah, the Gundams, Heero.  After you destroyed Wing, I doubt 
they would have gone after you."  The first time he'd tried to blow up 
Deathscythe, he'd cleared out and hidden around the corner like a smart 
boy.  Quatre knew to get out, too.

	"It's not just the Gundam that makes the Gundam pilot."

	"Une was adamant about surrendering the Gundams, that's it.  
Isn't that your exploitable loophole right there?  What happened to 
having your cake and eating it, too?"

	Heero's lips thinned briefly, although to hold in amusement or 
irritation, it was hard to say.  Perhaps he was merely thinking.  In any 
case, the words that came out were calmly uttered.  "It is not the time 
to quibble over details when you're trying to take a stand.  How 
effective would it have been if I had exited Wing before I detonated it?  
What would I have done if I had?  How far would I have had to run before 
I got safely out of the blast radius?  Should I have simply cowered for 
cover behind Tallgeese's leg?  That would not have made a good 
impression."  He'd thought he'd have a better chance for a quick death 
if he stayed near Wing's core.  It had truly been a surprise to wake up 
again, one month later.

	"How can--?  You--  Augh."  Too many thoughts at once.  Duo 
snapped his mouth shut to decide on just one thing, pulling away from 
Heero as he did to look him more directly in the eye.  "You never saw 
the vid of it, did you?"

	Heero raised an eyebrow at him.  "I'm not that morbid, Duo."

	"You..."  How to convey the sheer eye-popping horror of the 
moment?  Even if he hadn't felt for Heero then as he did now, it was 
still a terrible thing to have witnessed.  He hadn't even seen it with 
his own eyes; at the time, all he had to go on were sensor feeds, but 
all the data led inevitably to one unbelievable conclusion, irrevocably 
confirmed later by visuals gleaned from OZ transmissions.  "You freakin' 
*bounced*, Heero."

	Heero blinked.  That was an unpleasant mental image.  
Fortunately, he was out by the time he hit the ground.

	"And... ugh.  I didn't want to see you splatter yourself on the 
rocks after jumping out of a building, so I sure as hell didn't want to 
see you blow yourself to pieces."  He stared at Heero's bland expression 
for a moment.  "Doesn't that bother you?  That you tried to kill 
yourself?"

	"I wasn't trying to kill myself.  Death... was just an 
unfortunate side effect."

	It was Duo's turn to blink.  He worked his jaw a few times, 
obviously coming up with and then discarding a dozen different 
responses.  "I don't know how you can say that with a straight face.  
You're obviously unfazed by the possibility of death."

	"You can't tell me you never went into a single mission thinking 
that you weren't going to make it back out again.  You can't tell me you 
went into the war thinking you'd live to see it end.  And you can't tell 
me you were bothered by that."

	"But that's --"  Hn, it was always 'different', wasn't it?  
"Well, at least I wouldn't have gone so quietly into that gentle night.  
I would have kicked and screamed and taken as many of the bastards as I 
could with me."

	"I may not have kicked and screamed, but I would hardly have 
skipped down the path to hell with a handbasket, whistling a merry 
tune."  He said it so seriously, Duo couldn't help but laugh a few 
heartbeats later, falling back against Heero's side.  After Heero had 
resettled his arm across Duo's shoulders, he kissed the chestnut locks 
in apology, right above Duo's ear.  "I'm sorry I wasn't in a position to 
take any of them with me.  I don't think OZ would have waited for me to 
fly a little closer to them.  If Zechs had been in an Aries, perhaps."

	"Oh, never mind," Duo pouted.  His arms were crossed in a huff, 
but he knew Heero couldn't and wouldn't have done anything other than 
what he did.  Perhaps he'd just needed to hear it.

	Since they were there, they watched through to the end of the 
reality show.  Heero felt a trifle vindicated when the girl took the 
money, but her reasons weren't the same as his, so it wasn't a total 
victory.  Duo had to ask rhetorically whether or not they would even 
have aired the show with such hype if the girl had chosen love over 
money.  Such romanticism surely would not have garnered higher ratings.  
He went on to wonder aloud whether or not they would even have shown the 
lead-in to the reiteration of the series if the girl had not agreed to 
the double or nothing stakes for another round, this time on the other 
end of the game.  Time would tell if she had accumulated enough bad 
karma in the first run to hamper her in her campaign to convince the man 
she eventually chose to choose her over the proffered riches.

	"What would you do, Heero?" he asked, not quite sure what the 
answer would be.

	"I wouldn't do it."  The response came with little hesitation.

	"Why not?  Not sure you could convince a girl to choose you over 
the money?  This time, you'd get to keep the girl and twice the money."  
Where did the show creators come up with these crazy twists?  And where 
did they get the money to pull it off?  Didn't they have any idea how 
much more useful that money would be applied to other things?

	"What need would I have for twice the money?  The first round 
would already have made me a millionaire."  Of course, since he didn't 
care much for money, he would never have entered the competition to 
begin with.

	"Yeah, but what about love?  They'll have fifteen guys or girls 
or whatever lined up for you, all ready to fall adoringly at your feet.  
One of them may be the love of your life."

	Heero snorted derisively.  "I think I could find the love of my 
life without their help."  He squeezed the young man at his side almost 
imperceptibly tighter.

	Duo paused between one breath and the next, blinked, and looked 
at his partner, who was still innocently watching the images on the 
screen.  Then he swallowed, started breathing again, and chose quite 
deliberately not to ask for clarification of that last suggestive, yet 
quite open to interpretation, statement.

	A law drama started up, and Duo murmured his appreciation.  He 
was in the mood to watch some bad guys get busted by the good guys, 
although on any given day he enjoyed such shows.  On this given day, 
however, a young boy was found dead of asphyxiation in the cargo 
compartment of a bus, with signs of prolonged sexual abuse on his body.  
Duo shuddered involuntarily, and with such speed of response that he 
must have started the action even before feeling the tremble against his 
side, Heero increased the pressure of his loose embrace to a comforting 
level.

	Well, that was fine.  Duo couldn't wait for the bastard that did 
it to get caught and put away.  Yes, things were peachy vindictively 
keen, until the detectives started questioning the boy's friend, and he 
said the man -- their 'father' through illegal adoption -- had coerced 
their obedience with threats to pass them around to 'the others'.

	He tensed at the idea that there was more than one of those 
fiends, and Heero reached for the remote.  Before he could hit any of 
the buttons, however, Duo laid a hand upon his and shook his head.  "No, 
just because we don't like it, doesn't mean we should turn away from 
it."

	Heero cocked his head to the side, gazing searchingly into his 
companion's eyes.

	Duo smiled thinly in reassurance.  "I got out of hell in one 
piece.  Others... aren't so lucky."

	Heero pursed his lips, but nodded slightly and let it go.  The 
situation called for another kiss to the side of Duo's head, and Duo 
accepted it gladly, then turned his head for something stronger.

	The show ended with the breakup of a widespread pedophilia ring, 
and Duo could only sigh that such things didn't actually happen where he 
was from.  Heero didn't let him dwell on it.  He stood and took his 
partner with him.  "It's late," he said simply, taking Duo by the hand 
with the intent to lead him upstairs.

	Duo halted him with a tug.  "Not so fast, Yuy.  I want 
endorphins, and I want them now."  There was no way he was going to go 
to sleep with this as the last thing on his mind.

	Heero looked at him inquisitively.  "Hmm, it's a little late to 
go running, don't you think?"

	He laughed and punched Heero on the arm before unfurling the 
loose fist and using it to pull them closer together.  "Meanie."

	Heero smiled and relented, giving him all the kisses he could 
ask for.



-----
endorphins and running: running will give you a runner's high, which is 
caused by the increased production of endorphins, which block pain and 
stimulate pleasure.  the production of endorphins can also be stimulated 
by sexual activities.

so yes, i was watching tv last week and this is what i saw: ponpoko, the 
end of the last ep of 'for love or money', and law and order: special 
victims unit, an ep about a pedophilia ring.

heisei tanuki gassen ponpoko (heisei [current era in japan] tanuki war 
ponpoko): real movie from studio ghibli.  i apologize here for the 
somewhat lowbrow humor involving tanuki testicles, but they're really in 
the movie.  they're... amply endowed, i suppose, but they're not 
obscene.  still, even though disney now owns the distribution rights to 
this movie, i doubt it'll ever make it out in america.  according to 
legend, the tanuki could transform and spread his testicles to cover 8 
tatami!  yes, the tatami mat is a valid unit of measurement in japan.  i 
hope you weren't too confused by the way they were talking about the 
movie (and the reality show) without me actually explaining what was 
going on.  i didn't think a summary would be very interesting, so i 
tried to make it clear in passing.  eh, it wasn't very important anyway.  
and yes, i found ponpoko rather depressing.

*scratches head* so why was wing's explosion just enough to take out its 
vital systems and scorch its pilot (yet somehow enough to make a small 
crater), but sandrock's explosion was large enough to take out a number 
of enemy suits and provide enough cover for a getaway?

_________________________________________
This piece of fiction is the intellectual 
property of the little turnip that could.  
The basis for this fic, i.e. Gundam Wing, 
Kyuuketsuki Miyu, et al., is the property 
of someone else.  The author can be con-
tacted at jchew@myrealbox.com.  This has 
been an entirely automated message.
http://www.cs.hmc.edu/~jchew/misc/gw.html

last modified : 7/19/2003 17:34:42 PST