---------------------
      Untenable
~ A Moment of Haven ~
---------------------
	They were both a little surprised by how quickly it set in.  One 
moment he was fine, beating Heero at a game of gin, and the next, his 
hand was trembling so badly his cards fell to the bed.  Their eyes met 
then, somber acknowledgment passing between them as the cards crept 
their way towards the floor.  They blinked, and then Heero went to 
gather up the cards as Duo set his arm down on his blankets and glared 
at it, willing it to stop.  It only twitched harder.  His other hand was 
employed to help weigh down its disobedient brother, but that, too, 
proved insufficient.  Duo was contemplating what avenues were left to 
him when Heero removed the unhelpful appendage and took up the trembling 
hand with his own.  With his one hand curling with a gentle firmness 
around Duo's, his other hand played warmly and calmly across the length 
of Duo's uncooperative forearm, gradually stroking the tremors away.

	Duo stared most studiously at the line where the wall met the 
ceiling.  Heero concentrated his gaze on the skin beneath his fingers.

	Duo shifted uncomfortably on the bed, an itch beginning in his 
lower back that he just knew was sure to develop into a cramp that 
spread across his abdomen.  Though they had not spoken much 
conversationally during their card game, now he sought distraction.  
"Guess I win, then."

	"Hm?"  Heero looked up from their hands, but found Duo still 
studying the far wall.

	"The game.  I was winning when it ended."

	Heero opened his mouth to respond automatically, a counter 
comment on forfeiting prepared to spring forth from his lips, but he 
withdrew before it emerged as an unfortunate reminder of Duo's 
situation.  Caught without a backup retort, he fell silent for a few 
long seconds before he was compelled to hold up his end of the uneasy 
conversation with a tentative offering.  "I was catching up."

	"Too little, too late."

	Well, that hadn't been very bantering.  "I'll get you next 
time."

	"We'll see."

	Nor had that.  Duo was the one that needed the distraction.  If 
he couldn't provide for it himself, then Heero would have to step into 
the breach.  "Were you interested instead in..."  He trailed off, having 
started the question earlier than he really ought to have.  He'd just 
been a little too eager to fill the void.

	Duo squeezed his hand reflexively as a muscle spasm caught him 
unawares, but loosened his grip as soon as he was able.

	"You... do want distraction... right?" Heero asked tentatively, 
no longer certain of what Duo wanted.  He may have wanted distraction, 
but not by Heero.  He may have wanted to concentrate on getting through 
this.  He may have been silently begging Heero to break him out of this 
hospital, and Heero wasn't so sure he'd know it.

	The hand in his tightened again, but there was no accompanying 
spasm.  Duo turned towards him, lips parted as if about to say 
something, but he retreated once more with an unreadable expression.

	Heero sighed softly to himself.  This was getting near 
intolerable.  He had to say something, and failing any other brilliant 
ideas, this would have to be it.  "Duo...  I'm sorry."

	"No, you're not."  The rebuttal was neither swift nor forceful.  
It was just quiet resignation.  "You think you made the right decision."

	He put off responding for a while to wait out another spasm.  In 
the silence, he slid his fingers inconspicuously around Duo's wrist and 
set them against the vein.  He was checking for an irregular pulse, yes, 
but he was also not coincidentally reassured by the strong sense of 
life.  "I do," he admitted in time.  "But I should have considered what 
choice you would have made.  I should have taken that into account..."

	"...And then you still would have chose what you did."

	Their disagreement hadn't taken away all of their abilities to 
analyze each other.  He exhaled audibly again, not with regret, but with 
sad recognition of an untenable situation.  "Yes, I would.  But I would 
have dealt with it differently."

	"Doesn't really matter what sort of spin you put on it.  It 
still is what it is."

	"I could have made it your choice.  I could have made my choice 
temporary, just a stand-in until you could make your own.  I would have 
asked you immediately instead of just going with it...  That would have 
been better... wouldn't it?"

	Duo held his breath meditatively for a moment, then let it out 
tiredly.  "I don't know, Heero.  Maybe?"  He clenched his teeth as a 
cramp lured him into arching his back in a full-body flinch.

	Unable to sit back, regardless of the state of their 
relationship, Heero released Duo's hand in favor of his sides, doing the 
same he had done to his arm to ease the wrung out muscles.  Duo closed 
his eyes and bore it silently.  When the nerves had calmed, Heero was 
unable to keep his hands from lingering, a wistful gesture he managed to 
turn into a practical one, running the back of his hand over Duo's 
forehead and down the side of his face.  His temperature was elevated.  
Heero wouldn't be surprised if chills set in.  He glanced around, 
wondering where he could find extra blankets.

	Duo called his attention back by murmuring his name softly.  
Eyes open and alert, he stared at the ceiling now.  A change for the 
better, perhaps.  "I'm tired," he whispered.

	Heero nodded in understanding, preparing to withdraw.  He 
fluffed half-heartedly at the pillow.  "Is there anything..."

	"No, I mean..."  He swallowed with a wince.  Heero took that as 
a sign to pour a glass of water.  Glad for the opportunity to stall, Duo 
took up the glass, watching fascinatedly as his hand refused to hold 
steady under the weight until Heero reached out to support it.  He held 
it still for his partner, but let it neither rise nor fall until he had 
reached down into his bag of supplies, pulled out a straw, and put it in 
the cup.  Supporting the cup against his chest, Duo was able to drink 
under his own power.  "Gee, think of everything, don't ya?"

	Heero took his seat again, his head hanging repentantly as he 
studied the hands in his lap.  "Apparently not."

	"Look, Heero..."  He chewed nervously on his lower lip, then 
noticed its condition.  "Man, I need some lip balm..."

	It was immediately produced, and halfway through the 
application, Duo stopped what he was doing and gave himself a mental 
kick in the head, running a hand through his bangs.  "Okay, that was so 
not what I was going to say.  Heero..."  His partner cast an expectantly 
patient look at him through downcast lashes.  That made it easier and 
harder to say what he wanted to say.  He fiddled with the stick of lip 
balm before setting it carefully down on the table next to his bed.  
"...I don't know what's going on in my head right now.  I don't foresee 
knowing... for a while.  I don't understand why I feel the way that I 
do, and it really sucks that I'm mad at you and I don't even know why, 
and I wanna stop, really, I do, but I can't just let it drop, and I 
can't just deal with it right now, and I don't want to leave you 
hanging, and--"

	Before he got too breathless, Heero shushed him softly, 
squeezing his hand again.  "It's okay, Duo.  You need to get better 
right now.  Don't waste your energy worrying about me, okay?"

	"No."  He struggled to push himself off the back of the raised 
bed, ignoring the twinging in his gut.  Heero gently, but firmly, pushed 
him back down.  He made an exasperated sound, but allowed it.  "It 
wouldn't be a waste, do you hear me, Heero?  It isn't fair!"

	With his usual skill, Heero cut across the protests with nothing 
more than his regular soft-spoken tones.  "It can wait.  You get better 
first, and then we can get out of here, we can go home... and then 
we'll... do what we need to do to work this out.  Just one thing at a 
time... okay?"

	"But..."  So many things 'but', and all of them ready to get 
shot down by Heero's infernal implacability.  It wasn't right.  This 
whole thing just... wasn't... right.  "I mean, I'm not flaming pissed, 
and I get your decision, but...  I really don't know.  I know that being 
upset with you is just going to make getting through this just that much 
more miserable... but... I want to turn it off, but I can't."

	Heero smiled fondly at him.  It held a melancholic edge.  "You 
never did favor the easy route."

	It hurt to see that expression on his face.  "But you know that, 
just because I'm unhappy with you right now, doesn't mean... I mean... 
you'll still... right?"

	Heero squeezed his hand again.  "Someone's got to drive you 
home, right?" he joked weakly.  He said what he really meant when the 
anxiety didn't fade from Duo's face.  "I'm not going anywhere."

	He won a lessening of tension from Duo.  "That's good... 'cuz I 
swear, Yuy, if you left me alone in here, I'd... I'd..."  He fumbled for 
something to dispel the sudden ferocity he'd built up without meaning 
to.  "I'd tell Quatre!"

	Unprepared for the quip, Heero chuckled in surprise.  "That's a 
serious threat, Maxwell."

	"Yeah, well, I mean it, just see if I don't."

	"I'd rather not."

	The fleeting amusement faded from Duo's face.  He sighed.  Then 
coughed.  Then curled up as it sent a painful ripple through his body.  
"Ow.  Man, this sucks."

	Heero stroked the bangs away from his brow.  "It'll pass."



_________________________________________
This piece of fiction is the intellectual 
property of the little turnip that could.  
The basis for this fic, i.e. Gundam Wing, 
Kyuuketsuki Miyu, et al., is the property 
of someone else.  The author can be con-
tacted at jchew@myrealbox.com.  This has 
been an entirely automated message.
http://www.cs.hmc.edu/~jchew/misc/gw.html

last modified : 4/21/2004 01:19:38 PST