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On being told that the student would be taking Algs and Big Algs concurrently: Have you considered suicide instead?

ComputerScience prof. Amusing. Teaches CS70 and probably some other stuff (like CS105). One of the major sources of quotes on fortune mudd.

One of the most highly-valued players for games of FantasyCommunityL.

I never know what I'm going to say until I say it; that's why wierd things sometimes come out of my mouth. (i.e. Quotes):

Am I the ultimate mom or what?

In my day, we had to walk five miles, through the snow, uphill. in a vacuum!

If you use too many [global variables], your hands will begin to rot off your wrists, and eventually you'll go around saying "my precioussss!"

Today is the worst day of the rest of your life.

On written assignments: Paper doesn't segfault.

Everybody else is just as stupid as you are.

On Bjarne Stroustrup: He's a Swedish goof, which is probably even worse than a regular goof.

Personally, I don't like getting silently screwed.

I push the bang inside, and keep pushing.

I'm bad at many things. I'm kind of a Renaissance...bad...man.

Either that or my mind is going, which is unlikely because my mind's been gone for quite a while now.

Unless CS70 gives me the power to walk through every single person...

on ProfessorRan: See, that guy ruins everything I do.

Anyone want to guess how often I grep my terminal? That sounds like a personal issue to me.

That's the sort of sneaky thing that compiler writers like to come up with on Saturday nights when the rest of us have dates.

It goes "C, M, H,D, E, F,G..."--that's how the song goes, right?

I'm defining it as alphabetical order, damnit!

There's only one smartass allowed in here! (pointing at self)

I loooove ChunkyString?...

And you don't do perverted things, at least outside of FoamParty?.

ProfessorKuenning: And now that block in the cache is dirty, and we all know what that means, right?
GregFarnum?: It's been changed?
ProfessorKuenning: No! It's porn, you idiot!

I can't stand anything I do, especially this class.

Don't argue with me. I'll hit you.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep on using these bloody images. I should have been a chainsaw murderer.

If you have root on knuth, you can send SIGSEGV to anyone in CS70 and leave them wondering for hours about what happens. By the way, have I mentioned I have root?

What are you, some kind of fucking UNIX pervert?!

It's the Hermione Granger approach to caching.

You learn about life by watching Baywatch.

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of AOL? The SHADOW knows! Hahahahahahahaha (via cs5 chatroom)

The engineers can deal with all the smelly stuff.

Given the chance, most people will do the right child (generated from Markov text generator during class)

You deserve to be punished severely, by someone wearing leather.

ProfessorKuenning: I have an engagement with a bigger ring.
KevinOelze: Is this ring closed under multiplication?
ProfessorKuenning: No, but it does -lead- to multiplication.

If you finger me, even today, you will get useful information.

We're not going to always read the seminal papers with the greatest ideas since sliced beer.

As you see, we get down to one cycle per elephant--I mean element.

Trust all advice I give you, because I never lie, even on April Fool's Day....I just play Rickrolls.

On March 30, 2008, he sent the following epic email to his file system's class:

I've created a Web page that summarizes the remaining requirements for the File Systems term project. You should read it soon, as it contains important information relevant to your due date this Thursday.

The information is at:


-- Geoff Kuenning

The page is gone now, but it contained a rickroll at the time. --AndrewFarmer

ProfessorKuenning: A movie opened this weekend. A really nice artsy movie. Does anyone know what it is?
KevinOelze: Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay?
ProfessorKuenning: Close. Very close. Zombie Strippers.

So many doors opening and closing, we should write a British comedy.

My doohickey is unreliable.

Overclocking yourself? That's called poppin' speed, dude!

I _am_ afraid that JayMarkello will stab me in the back again. It's his turn.

On being told that the student would be taking Algs and Big Algs concurrently: Have you considered suicide instead?

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