MathCad

According to ProfessorVanHecke, it can do everything but fly (can it make coffee? Linux can... http://www.linuxdoc.org/HOWTO/mini/Coffee.html ). Accessing the "Help" function crashes the program.

Worse insults than "Cad" can be hurled at it with ease.

When it works, it's beautiful and saves much icky work. When it doesn't work, it turns all red and angry and makes poor PChem-students cry. And some days, MathCad just doesn't like you.