Miscellaneous Quotes

Miscellany rules. After all, not everything can be so carefully organised into subgroups... something must be left out unless you're willing to create many groups of a single member. Not being willing to do so, I present... miscellaneous quotes.

"Amp: You've Got Our Volt." -- sign at St. Louis Rams/Chicago Bears game, after St. Louis wide receiver Amp Lee was denied a trip to the Pro Bowl.
"Are young Americans be getting stupider?" -- Corvallis Gazette Times
"Coffee's not coffee at midnight." -- George Castanza, Seinfeld
"Detroit? But that's in Michigan!" -- Some B movie
"Do we have boyfriends? We are interested in delicious food and sweets. And tiny animals like the cat." -- Naoko Yamano, member of Shonen Knife
"For those of you who don't habla español, el niño is Spanish for... the niño." -- Chris Farley, Saturday Night Live
"He must think I went to the Massachusetts Constitution of Technology." -- Dizzy Dean, speaking of Branch Rickey
"[Huey Long advisor Gerald L. K. Smith was] the gutsiest and goriest, loudest and lustiest, the deadliest and damnest orator ever heard on this or any other earth..., the champion boob-pumper of all epochs." -- H. L. Mencken
"I don't think Virginia Tech has anyone who played in the McDonald's All-American Game. I think they have several people who eat at McDonald's, though." -- an announcer on CBS during the Virginia Tech/Kentucky second-round NCAA tournament basketball game.
"If it's a choice between ugly and compliant, or beautiful and not-so-compatible, game programmers will always choose the latter." -- Tricks of the Mac Game Programming Gurus
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
"If you don't know where you want to go, we'll make sure you get taken." -- Microsoft ad slogan, translated from Japanese.
"I like you, but I wouldn't want you working with subatomic particles." -- bumper sticker
"I'm interested in stories about people as we knew them in the near-recent future." -- Phil Kaufman, writer, Star Trek
"In the not-too-distant future, your DNA will determine almost everything about you." -- GATTACA trailer
"I should know better than to have unprotected sex with you, but... OK." -- female character on Beavis & Butthead
"It's people like you who fuck up operating systems." -- Dr. Mike Erlinger, to a student
"Life does not often imitate orange cones." -- a Lexus commercial
"No matter where you go, there you are." -- Buckaroo Bonzai
"Our girls do absolutely wonderful pole work." -- the manager of Little Darlings, a Las Vegas, NV, striptease establishment
"People don't just bump into each other and have sex -- this isn't Cinemax!" -- Jerry Seinfeld
"Sir, we're doing everything within engineering reason!" -- Star Trek Scotty, to Kirk
"So hot, it's practically radioactive!" -- a Chef Boyardee commercial
"The United States has much to offer the third world war." -- Ronald Reagan
"The wedding was consummated in the garden of the American Consul's home in the presence of more than a hundred distinguished guests." -- the Japan Times
"They're very smart, those gynecologists." -- Tampax commercial
"Tim Biakabatuka. A great name if you're playing Scrabble." -- Chris Berman, NFL Primetime
"Today we look at virginity, and losing it for the first time." -- ITV talk show host
"Too many errors on one line (make fewer)." -- MPW C
"We know that plants are the greatest chemists ever invented." -- The "Medicine Man," on a promotion for CBS Evening News
"We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed without them in Red Storm Rising." -- U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle
"When we show people what the Pentium II processor can do for their PC, they want to get it. Except for kids -- they already get it." -- Intel television ad
"Wilderness is like herpes. Once you get it, it's forever." -- a forest industry spokesman
"YODA 3:16" -- sign at a baseball game
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." -- guest directory, Japanese hotel, 1991
"You go to check your email -- it's like opening a present." -- AOL commercial
"You guys aren't drunk... you're just stupid." -- police officer, to Beavis and Butthead
"You haven't been there, and you haven't done it, but you could... this summer on the North Sea." -- Cutter Crew commercial
"You know, on Jeopardy!, you can buy a vowel." -- ESPN Sunday Night Football announcer.
"You OK?"
"Yeah. Someone just yanked my SCSI chain." -- Vice Academy II (B Movie)
"You try rhyming 'Michigan.'" -- Dharma and Greg

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J. Nathaniel Sloan

Last modified: May 18, 1998