FunWiki: ProctorOfVice

An EastDorm elected position originally derived from "vice proctor." The proctor of vice's job used to be to increase the vices of the members of EastDorm through drinking, drugs, and sex. Recently the sex piece was taken out.

RobPrestezog and StonyLohr were deciding what positions to have on the DormBallot? while eating in Platt. They thought it would be amusing to have Proctor as one of the elected positions (as this position is chosen by the DeanOfStudents? office and not EastDorm voters).

Once they had this brilliant idea, they thought it might be funny to have Vice Proctor be a position. Of course, this was quickly modified into the ProctorOfVice position we have today.

The first ProctorOfVice, PatriAaronForwalterFriedman, was elected in the Spring of 1997 for the 97-98 school year.

 97-98 PatriAaronForwalterFriedman
 98-99 ZekeBurgess?
 99-00 ZekeBurgess?
 00-01 LucasBaker (Retired in Dec-00)
 01-02 TitusWinters
 02-03 AlexBobbs & FessNelson
 03-04 ConorMcNassar
 04-05 SherriMarkwardt?
 05-06 MacKenzieStuart
 06-07 MikeBuchanan
 07-08 AlexisNast & HelenFitzmaurice
 08-09 AlexisNast & SarahLoeb
 09-10 TrystanKoch
 10-11 DanCiliske, MattRichman, & ChrisSauro
 11-12 JoshOratz, XandaSchofield, & TeddyBear
 12-13 KatyAnderson, PatrickMeehan & DavidScott
 13-14 AllisonMis, MaryEliseElam
 14-15 EmmaMeersman, JoziMcKiernan & JohnSexpot
 15-16 MaxHlavacek & ZoeTucker
 16-17 RenataParamastri & (Fall 2016 BenLehman)
 17-18 JakePalanker & TommySchneider
 18-19 AvalonFeiler & SerenityWade
 19-20 AvalonVinella & SamMarquez
 20-21 N/A
 21-22 AvalonFeiler & AvalonVinella

Vice seeks to help Easties, Mudders, and friends become well versed in drinking, licentious socialization, and general shenaniganry and in the principles of social conduct and misconduct so that they may assume leadership in these fields with a clear understanding of how their actions affect themselves and other people.

AlexBobbs would like it to go on record that he is probably the only above-21 ProctorOfVice to attempt to buy alcohol and fail. To this date he has not successfully bought alcohol.

Alex, what was your platform when you ran for ProctorOfVice? I seem to remember it was funny and I can't remember it at all... --KatieLewis

"Right now, you (yes, YOU) are probably reading this thinking, "Why on earth is Alex running for Proctor of Vice!? Isn't he supposed to be a beacon of purity?" Yes, I am a beacon of purity, which is exactly why I would be the perfect proctor of vice. See, the job of the POV is to encourage others to be more viceful. By concentrating purity in myself (and my helper-monkeys) I will be allowing *other* people to partake in more vice. By not dating, I leave more people available for viceful pursuits. By not drinking, I ensure there is enough alcohol to go around. Just as Momar works hard so that we don't have to, I maintain purity so that you don't have to. Uh huh. Bet you never thought of it that way, did you?

But there are many other reasons why I should be Proctor of Vice. To name a few:

On the evening of April 6, 2002 (my 21st birthday) I succeeded in temporarily turning 6 or so pure denizons of Chessers into flaming social drinkers. In other words, I can make hell freeze over. How many other candidates for POV can do that?
I am not Pava. Therefore, if you think there is not enough vice in the dorm, it is all Pava's fault and not mine.
I plan to sponsor the lesser-known "alternative" vices. Other POV's might provide you with booze, porn, or drugs. Bah... you can get those vices anywhere. I plan to encourage vices such as Evil Laughs, making baby bunnies cry, world conquests (for fun and profit), Room Draw: The Collectable Card Game, and removing the syncopation from the main theme of the fourth movement of Beethoven's Ninth.
I am 21 and can drive. You know what that means. Yep... In 4 more years I'll be able to rent a car.

So anyway, you should all make me the East Dorm Proctor of Vice. If nothing else, I'll be horribly amused if you do, and you are all clowns for my amusement. Vwa ha ha ha!"

The candidates for this position in 05-06 were (in order of appearance) MacKenzieStuart, BrianYoung, and AndrewDanowitz?. Choice quotes from the campaign on EastDormSchmack:

"He couldn't even hope to fill Sheri's shoes with vomit after a night of his own poorly-planned vice, let alone with his feet." --MacKenzieStuart
"No, I'm insulting your vice on the grounds that mine makes yours look like a slow day at bible camp." --BrianYoung
"My left hand has seen more vagina than my two opponents have combined." --BrianYoung
"I would have to say that the last time I was faced with a gorgeous, dripping pussy, I didn't immediately get out my calipers for scientific research." --MacKenzieStuart

In 2011, the following were said:

"Xanda, you can't be the boobs until they're substantial enough to fill out a Snapple cap without having to stuff it first." --LizSarapata
"Pants, Xanda, Josh - compared to this bunny, none of you are fit to run in the slightest" -- Ryan

"east has this thing called vice we get together once a month and there’s a theme and we get drunk it’s good." - AvalonFeiler

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues." -- Elizabeth Taylor