07.13.08: Do you know what day it is, boys and girls?  It's the turnip patch's 8th anniversary!  And have I got a surprise for you...

After eight long years, the turnip patch has finally evolved into its next form.  There are sort of several reasons for it, I guess the largest probably being because it's kind of pretentious sometimes to insist on never changing.  Nevertheless, I have taken as many steps as I could to try to match the new experience to the old, just with some enhancements.  In fact, some of you may find it disturbingly like the old site!  It just goes to show, a turnip by any other name is still a turnip.

Some of you may, for some reason, be fond of this old site.  I will continue to update it for a while, but direct all new postings to the new site.  Everything here will probably stay here for at least a little while, if for some reason someone wants to wallow in the plain text for just a little while longer, but once I see that traffic has mostly evaporated from this site, I will convert fully to the new site and shelve this one.  Please update your links!

I hope some of you looked at this old reliable place as you would an old friend.  I hope you find the new site to your liking.

And now, I present to you...
turnip patch v2.0

And below commences the old site...

No frills.
Just the fics.
And a short prelude.

Because I'm lazy, this is just a table of contents, really, and it's the fic, not the packaging.

I make no pretensions to being an author, and yet one day I found myself writing.  I'm a 1+2+1 sort of person.  My claim to fame is Kyuuketsuki Duo, a GW/Vampire Princess Miyu fusion that didn't turn out as hokey as I thought it would.  Which is a good thing.  And I will *not* call it Vampire Prince Duo. *shudder*

I also have Moments of Haven, which is a nice fluffy thing in which I argue, look, Heero and Duo can have a nice, healthy, un-lusty relationship.

And the novellas.  The really damn long novellas.  Can't forget those.

I'm not real big into this whole 'make my presence known' thing, but it just seemed like a waste to do all this stuff that no one would ever have the possibility of seeing, so here I am.

No real warnings, besides the fact that I have no pre-readers, and I respect Relena. (Don't hit me.)  And these things are very sketchily named, and in chronological order.

Standard disclaimers apply.

On with the show.  I present myself for your judgment.

~~ Kyuuketsuki Duo ~~
Kyuuketsuki Duo has been phased out to a separate page.
I doubt it's my main attraction these days, anyway.

~~ Moments of Haven ~~
welcome to my line of fluff loosely resembling a get-together.
these are all in a single timeline, listed chronologically,
but perhaps not posted chronologically.  keep an eye
on the updates list down at the bottom for details.

to borrow a line from Kodak (TM): Share moments, share life. ^_^

AC196 and AC197
Okay, Haven's just contributing to the ridiculous length of this table of contents, so I've moved the first two years onto their own page.

AC198 Part 1
And now I've tossed a few more parts of Haven onto their own page.  Chose a small, logical subsection.

AC198 Part 2
And now the next logical subsection of Haven.

Security Concerns
A phone call, sharks, and moulding.

Sunset on the Sands
Just some talking.  About fish.  And houses.  At sunset.  On the sands.

Of Showers and Cotton
They speak of showers and cotton, with a strange shot of angst in the middle.

Three Mushy Things
You know, I think the most depressing thing about this bit of unrelenting birthday sap is the fact that they're always this sappy, even when it's no one's birthday.  I just don't normally pack so much of it into a single chapter.  I offer my sincere apologies.

Proof by Contradiction
*sigh* I give up!  *resignedly sprinkles the sappy dust*  The two of them decided they had a better idea than I had, which I'll grant them is true, but it also ended up putting me a little ahead of schedule, damn them.  Maybe I'll go back and write some small bit of padding between this and the previous one some day.

The Proxy
Duo answers the phone while Heero is otherwise occupied.

A few 'misunderstandings' are cleared up before they get out of hand.

A discussion about Zero, with a big fat digression in the middle of it.  The good kind.

Aww, I've ruined my streak of titles starting with 'p'.  Ah well.  This one's about, um, paint.  There's a p word.  And perception.  There's another.  And fondling.  Which doesn't start with p.  But I'm sure you knew that.

Just Right
'Just right' in a Goldilocks sort of way, that is.

Just Looking
Probably only two or three days after the previous section, and yet it's taken me more than two months to get this next part out.  You all deserve a little reward for being so patient with me. ^_^

Holy Gundams!  I've actually posted a holiday fic on the day of the holiday rather than wrapping around to the other side of the year!

Seeing Other People
This part was just supposed to be prelude to the next part, but then it got longer than expected, so I split it off into its own section.  Now I can't even figure out how it was supposed to lead into the next part anymore.

Know Thine Enemy
In which Duo finally manages to throw Heero for a loop.  Though possibly the victory may be a bit pyrrhic in the end.  Well, nah.  They're all winners in the end.

Close Quarters
Despite the possibly misleading title, this one is just them talking a little, about close quarters, holiday seasons, and impracticality.

Duo rediscovers an old skill.

Maxwell vs. The Machine
Any bets as to who comes out on top?

Playing with Fire
So much fire, so little time.

More cords, fewer polos. *firm nod*

X'mas AC198 Part 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22
The annual end-of-year get-together.  It goes on for a while.  Dare I even call it an arc.  Sweet bejeezus, I apologize for losing all sense of time and continuity in this ridiculous stretch of time.

Back in Town
Ding dong, the x'mas arc is dead!  Yay, my boys are back in town. *snugs* Ironically, I was glad to be out of that wretched arc because it meant I could go back to writing short fluffy little things, and yet here this is, another long, rambly thing.

The Young and the Restless
Duo catches up with a friend between one thing and the next.

A Hard Day's Work
The guys get some late night exercise, and work out some jitters.

Beer and Skittles
Ever since I heard that phrase, I've been wanting to use it.  Which is, of course, a terrible reason to put it into a fic, but whatever.  This part lacks any other oomph, anyway, but it needed to be written.

Heero's so adorable when he's talking about choking people out.

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme
They spice things up in the kitchen.

Calling Dibs
So not what I was intending to write.  Or maybe it's just a prelude that got long enough that I ran out of juice.  Whatever.  Working on a day off.

Lesson Plans
Syllabi are so very limiting sometimes.

A Long and Winding Road
No armadillos were harmed in the making of this part.  I can't speak for that fuzzy animal, though...

Valentine's Day AC199
Err, it's about Valentine's Day AC199.  Too lazy to come up with a more interesting title.  Also saves me from having to come up with an interesting summary.  =p

School Supplies
A shopping spree at the drug store.

The boys get hot and sweaty in front of an audience.

The boys warm a bench.  Duh.  Probably could have just turned this into a dialogue fic.

Kiss It Better
After the hurt comes the comfort, right?

Unexpected Guest
I felt like getting someone else's point of view for a little while.  Sadly, Heero and Duo continued to dominate the conversation.

Nine Lives
There I go, attempting to explain their relationship again, but this time, hopefully for the edification of someone other than the audience.  And then we get a scene oddly reminiscent of one from additive identity.  But with a better ending.

Brussel Sprouts
Man, I'm really stretching for titles here.  The guys send Wufei off with talk of brussel sprouts and Heero's protective streak.

Age and Good Looks
No, really, the guys actually send Wufei off this time.  Casual conversation about growth and other things on the way back to base to drop him off.

First Date
We're way beyond the first date by now, but that's never stopped anyone before, right?  (especially since i'm totally lying about this being their first date...)

So Very Backwards
Sometimes it's okay that things don't turn out at all like we expected.

Splitting Hairs
Considering hairs split all the time, and on their own, too, I'm not sure why 'splitting hairs' should be indicative of anything in particular.  But oh well.

More or less, the anticipated rumble.

Watering Hole  2  3  4  5
After the rumble.

frequently asked question: is haven over?
answer: no.  it'll go on.  and on.  and probably on.

~~ Haven-inspired Fanart ~~
Photos by I-chan
Not Haven-specific, but Haven-inspired, so close enough.  No fanart is bad fanart, I'd like to say.

~~ Moments in a Dorm Room ~~
prequel series to haven
psst! hey, why is the prequel listed after the sequel?
well, just because.
In the Beginning
warning: I do not channel Duo very well, but sometimes I find it necessary.  So.  Just a quick summary of what brought them to the dorm room in the first place.

The Arrangement
They do a little interior decorating.

Sheep and Sleep
Would you believe it's a story about sheep and sleep?

Why Ask Why?
A brief digression on the etymology of profanity, from a random Heero POV.

Obligatory Bully Scene
Why does it seem like every high school fic has a bully in there somewhere?

A Momentary Inconvenience
In which I totally belabor a certain point for the sake of finally getting to its ultimate purpose in the next part.

Out of Commission
In which I have finally reached the certain point.

Heavy Thinking
Medication.  Gotta love it.

Out of the Box
They're suddenly back at school again.  Why do I feel like I intended to have something between this chapter and the last?

Four Percent
Ah, the dreaded bell curve.  To the rescue in this case, though.

There Once Was a Man
A midnight conversation.  There probably ought to be a clever limerick to go with the title... but there isn't.

Reverse Psychology
The shrinks at HQ serve their purpose in bringing the boys together in their own unintended ways.

Peanuts, Walnuts, and Pecans, Oh My!
The boys are a couple of nuts.  Which was the original title, but then I decided this one had a more interesting ring to it.

Option C
Because sometimes A and B just aren't enough.

Obligatory Tragic Past Scene
Gee, it seems like every fic needs one of these, too.

In which we learn a little bit about respect, and about being chosen.  Maybe.

One Man's Junk
Heero Yuy.  Warrior.  Philosopher.  Geek.

Sometimes remarkable things really are just commonplace.

I think it's probably pretty obvious what I was doing when I got inspiration for the beginning of this little chapter...

I'm sure I use the word 'idiot' far too many times in this chapter, but it's sort of necessary when discussing lowbrow humor.

First Steps
One of the best things about writing the haven holiday arc was not having to come up with titles.

One Hot Night
One hot night for no other reason than that I was sticking to my chair during a couple of hot nights writing this.

Death and Taxes
Aha!  I've finally overwritten the first part of Haven!  Take that, fic from seven years ago!

Evening Run
Some people, you just sort of have to admire their tenacity in the face of adversity.

~~ Really Damn Long One-Shots ~~
Additive Identity
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31 
Submitted to gwyaoi's 2006 novella challenge.
Summary:  A time of political unrest and violent protests reveals that there is more to Heero Yuy than anyone had previously known.  Now, while on the trail of a new rebel movement, those closest to him struggle to understand this 'new' version of him, only to find that nothing has changed at all.
Note:  Sequel to Axiomatic. I'm told that prior knowledge of Axiomatic is not essential to the understanding of this fic.
Pairing:  same as always.
Word Count:  ~120something k.
Warnings:  Zero is my friend.

Touch the World
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26 
Submitted to gwyaoi's 2005 novella challenge.
Summary:  The pilots strike a deal with the government after the war, but Heero Yuy, at least, doesn't get what he signed on for.  When an unexpected event propels him back into the limelight, he finds himself trapped between what he was and what he has become.  Now he must struggle to figure out what he wants to be as he is caught up as a reluctant participant in the world's events.
Pairing:  I continue to find filling this field in to be something of a joke.
Word Count:  108k something.
Warnings:  Some foul language.  Black comedy of a sort.  Post-canon life-altered pilots.
[ touch the world fanart: wallpaper A ]  [ touch the world fanart: wallpaper B ]
Whee, I was gifted with 'fanart' of a sort, in the form of movie posters that are in the form of desktop wallpapers, from the lovely Karma of Anirock Crackpot.

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28 
Submitted to gwyaoi's 2004 OTP novella challenge.
Cheesy summary:  After five years of being blissfully unaccounted for, Heero Yuy finds himself called back into service when the Preventers report that something highly classified has been stolen from their custody.  Reunited with his former teammates, he must hunt down the missing hardware, but just who is behind the theft, what is the ultimate goal, and what price will he have to pay?
Pairing:  Take a good long look at the rest of this page.  What do you think is my OTP?  Although, if you think too hard about it, you'll find this OTP has a little... twist.
Warnings:  This really is a really damn long one-shot, but it's broken into parts because it's really not nice to ask people to download 946kb files. (told ya it was long.) It's also nicer so you don't lose your place if you don't read this all at once.  Other than that... Heero POV.  Yes, the whole bloody thing is one long sustained Heero POV.  Hope you like him.  Also, random technobabble of the fictitious sort.  And of course, don't go into this thinking it'll be 946kb of lemony goodness, or even action-packed adventure.
Note:  Axiomatic's sequel is Additive Identity.
[ Axiomatic commission ]
Artwork by Baby Pen of B_P Works, commissioned for Axiomatic by gwyaoi.org for entering the novella challenge.  Much gratitude and appreciation heads their way.

[ Axiomatic commission 2 ]
Artwork by Helm, also commissioned for Axiomatic.  Woot.

[ Axiomatic commission 3 ]
Artwork by Shuui, commissioned for Axiomatic as well.  Yay.

[ Axiomatic award banner ]
Axiomatic won first place in the drama category of The Vault's Summer Lovin' contest.

The Best Laid Plans
Submitted to gwyaoi's 2003 1x2 AU novella challenge.  Inspired by the guy at the Whole Foods Market.
Summary:  Heero.  Duo.  AU.  Slow development of relationship.  (i don't write anything else, do i?)  Grocery shopping.  'Nuff said.  Or, if it's not, I think this is its official tag line: Heero Yuy had resigned himself to being a grump for the rest of his life, and he was well on his way, too, until he met one Duo Maxwell, who somehow managed to turn all his notions upside-down.
Pairing:  the limit of f(t) = 1/t + (1x2) as t approaches infinity.  That is to say, it asymptotically approaches (1x2).  Which actually makes a beautiful sort of sense, since it has to go through (1+2) first... and you notice that f(t) never even gets close to zero, too, which means that there will never be nothing between them... and if we take t to be the time domain, where t > 0, then f(t) will always be positive... ::blinkblink:: I can't believe I just said that.  Anyway.
[ Best Laid Plans commission! ] [ b&w sketch version ]
Yay!  Artwork by Baby Pen of B_P Works, commissioned for me by gwyaoi.org for entering the novella challenge.  Many thanks to them.  It's purty.  ::nodnod::

[ Grumpy Bear ]
So I went and hunted up a picture of the Grumpy Bear plushy, and here it is.  I know he doesn't *really* scowl, but I like to think he does.

[ fanart : Heero with Grumpy Bear ]
You know, when I got to choose a commission picture, I did mention that I would fall out of my seat to see a pic of Heero with Grumpy, and yea, though the wish went unspoken to the masses, a Daughter of Chaos has fulfilled it.

[ award banner : oishii* 2004 ]
The Best Laid Plans won Best AU of 2004 according to oishii*.  Banner by Silke.  It amuses me.

Gang Aft Agley
Sequel to Best Laid Plans.
Summary:  Heero.  Duo.  AU.  College.  Relationship.  No grocery shopping this time.
Warnings:  longer than the first part.
Pairings:  duh.
Art:  see above.
Grumpy:  see above.

For Promis'd Joy
Sequel to Gang Aft Agley.
You know, now that there's three parts to this, does it still qualify as a one-shot?

I Backward Cast My E'e
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  ...
Sequel to For Promis'd Joy.
But this is it, okay?  Totally the last installment in what's totally not a one-shot. (in progress)

Grief and a Headhunter's Rage
Warnings:  ha, the day i need to write real warnings for a fic... is the day i need to write real warnings for a fic.
This fic is long.  Long as in 225 kb long.  This fic is about hospitals and doctors and medicine, of which I know practically nothing.  This fic is about anthropology, of which I know very little.  This fic is an AU, and it is angsty and depressing at times because it has a central theme of death.  This fic contains the growth of a quiet, but powerful bond between Heero and Duo that is essential to the point, but is not the point itself.  This fic is, oddly enough, inspired by the introduction of Culture & Truth: The Remaking of Social Analysis, by Renato Rosaldo.
[ Shiai : 2003 Best AU banner ]
[ The Vent : Tasuku Spring 2005 Best AU banner   Tasuku Spring 2005 Best Canon banner ]

~~ Extra Miscellaneous Fics ~~
Where the Heart Is
Oh, Duo.  Outsmarting himself again.  As usual, mild swearing since Duo gets agitated.

A Ghost Story
Duo finds out this haunting gig's not half bad.  Warning: Duo is dead.  Dead, but hardly gone.  The thing started with a comedic feel, the dialogue and so forth.  But then since Duo's, you know, dead, it got bittersweet kind of fast.  Well, one might even argue the relative sweetness of the bittersweet.  One could even argue its angst.  I leave that as an exercise to the reader.  I still find it somewhat comedic.

New Year's Shift
Drama around a six-pack.  A shift in the new year.  Warning: Duo develops quite the potty mouth when he gets agitated.

That Perfect Moment
You know, the usual.  A snapshot of that first time that spark between them showed its face to the world.

Chocolate Kisses
Little Hershey's Kisses' got big big chocolate. (<-- useless summary for a little ficlet thing.)
[ fanart for chocolate kisses ]

Perfectly Mismatched
So I started out thinking that this was just a cute fluffy little ficlet-lite, but then I realized that I'm quoting jingle lyrics from fourteen years ago.  Then it just got depressing.

Between Friends
A ficlet-lite wherein I could easily have had one or the other of them saying, 'what could possibly be more awkward than...?' only they knew better than to jinx themselves.

Excerpt from the Haven Holiday Special
A brief ditty written as a holiday season thingie when my haven timeline was nowhere near a holiday season.  It was supposed to be a part of havenAC198, but alas, when I actually got around to writing it, two years later, it went nowhere near this, so now this is a random ficlet one-shot.

Good Will
Look ma, a Christmas drabble!  It involves holiday things.   But not things that are holiday-specific.

Man in Black
Stop me if you've heard this one before.  'Cuz seriously, I'm surprised I've never seen anyone do this before, when it just seems so completely obvious to me.  (i refer to the mib part, not the part i ended up tacking on at the end because i needed some clever way to tie things up, which ended up transforming this into a completely unexpected get-togetherish thing.)

A Sister's Virtue
It's only a hypothetical sister and her hypothetical virtue that Duo makes up while talking to Heero on our way to fluffy get-togetheryness.
[ The Vault : Summer Lovin' 2006 Humor 3rd place banner ]

Well, if I'm going to spend so much time at work, I might as well get something out of it.  This ficlet inspired by listening to my co-worker tell his story of woe to anyone that would listen, often with regular updates, often within my earshot if not directly to me.  Not that I'm entirely without pity, but... I would be more sympathetic if I didn't hear the tale half a dozen times a day.  Because his tale didn't involve cute guys and vague implied possible romance between them like mine does.

Speed Dating
You know that thing where you meet up with a bunch of random people and talk to them each for like a minute and then score them and move on to the next person and get a list of numbers at the end?  Yeah, this has nothing to do with that.

Not Ours To See
Love-triangly angst.  Left open-ended as many other of these one-shots here tend to be.

No Man's Land
Pointlessness inspired by overhearing some guys talking at the office.  This one isn't even cute or fluffy.  It's just pointless.  Heero-Duo-ish, AU-ish.

Quite Dubiously a Ceremony
Ficlet.  Fluff.  Completely and utterly fluff.  Short and to the point.

No Regrets
Ficlet.  Bittersweet.  Oddly coming to me while watching The Sound of Music on Christmas, maybe around the time the baroness convinced Maria to return to the abbey.  Go fig.  Also a milestone for me in being able to write something tiny without having to come up with a big context and backstory for it.

Saying Without Saying
Ficlet of the soft and chewy kind.  For some people who were interested in seeing more of Plans, I found this in that setting when I was seeing it in my head, but with the smallest change of venue, I decided to generalize it out to a generic one-shot.  But if you want to see this happen in that AU, feel free to plug it in about a year after For Promis'd Joy.  (cheap trick to get out of writing more plans.)

Three Years
I got the urge to write a 1st person present tense, and as those things go, this is probably a spectacular failure.  By which I mean, the tense is almost wholly irrelevant since practically this entire thing is dialogue or short, choppy sentences.  But it was amusing to write, at least for a little while.  The 'plot', such as it is, is rather unoriginal, by the way.

Three Years and an Hour or So
Sequel to Three Years.  I may have gotten a little carried away with the soup in this one.

Anatomy of a Kiss
Whee, mushy gooey Heero POV ficletty goodness.  And naturally I assume that the 'he' in the story is Duo.

*ahem* erm... yeah. *koff*
summary: "Would it be too embarrassing to say that I fell in love with his code before I ever fell in love with him?"  -_-;  Heero POV.  Ficlet.  I'm glad this only took an hour of my life.
warning: nerdiness abounds.  no, really.  you can't imagine.

So this is sort of like a 'what-if' for Haven.  Got bored at work one day.  It's just a different way they might have gotten together, but it can stand on its own as just a fluffy pointless little ficlet.

Punishment for the Dead
Yeah, so people technically die in this one, but I view it as more of a philosophical sort of death. =p Of course, I also think it has a happy ending, so... come on.  You know I wouldn't leave my boys stranded high and dry without each other, right?  AU.

Standing Still
The angsty songfic that wasn't.  Heero AU POV.  This one goes out to a certain magic carpet of my acquaintance, visitor number 14465.

Going Nowhere
Continuation of 'Standing Still'.  (can you believe it?  a scene at a dance club, with no alcohol, no strippers, and no erections!) (...i say that like this fic isn't angsty or something.  -_-; it's angsty.  just in case you needed that warning.)

Treading Water
Continuation of 'Going Nowhere'.  This should be the last piece in this series.  Treading water is yet another stationary activity, something you do just to keep your head out of the water, until someone cares enough to pull you out of it.  And yet, a lot of potential drowning victims tend to flail their arms wildly in a panic even when they're being saved, don't they?

Ahem.  If I had my druthers, I'd just as soon take this thing down altogether, but for some reason, that just seems fake or something.  *shrug* I'd suggest not reading it.

Please direct your comments, criticism, or suggestions to the author (oh, i would be jei, by the way) (and i've anti-spammed my address because the anti-spam claims of my server have been greatly exaggerated of late).  It'd be appreciated.  I wouldn't mind finding out I actually have an audience.

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plans414 added 07.12.09
plans413 added 06.21.09
wateringhole5 added 06.08.09
wateringhole4 added 05.31.09
wateringhole3 added 05.17.09
wateringhole2 added 04.12.09
wateringhole added 03.22.09
vday99 (between windingroad & schoolsupplies) added 03.02.09
plans412 added 02.08.09
rumble added 01.19.09
wheretheheartis (misc) added 12.28.08
splittinghairs added 12.14.08
plans411 added 11.30.08
plans410 added 11.09.08
ghoststory added 11.02.08
soverybackwards added 10.05.08
firstdate added 09.14.08
plans409 added 08.31.08
chocolatekisses (fanart) added 08.26.08
plans408 added 08.25.08
ageandgoodlooks added 08.03.08
newyearsshift (misc) added 07.20.08
turnip patch v2.0 added 07.13.08
brusselsprouts added 07.06.08
plans407 added 06.08.08
ninelives added 05.25.08
unexpectedguest added 05.11.08
thatperfectmoment (misc) added 04.20.08
plans406 added 04.06.08
chocolatekisses (misc) added 03.30.08
kissitbetter added 03.16.08
plans405 added 02.24.08
benchwarming added 02.17.08
roughhousing added 02.10.08
plans404 added 01.20.08
dorm24 added 12.31.07
plans403 added 12.01.07
dorm23 added 11.18.07
rest of update history
page created on 07.13.00
fics subject to minor revisions without notice


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